[Diamond18]

Merisu grabbed an arrow from her quiver and stabbed it into the Zerl, crying, "A scout!" as she kicked the quivering corpse aside.

"Oooh, cool," said the male members of the Audienceship, while Pimpi rolled her eyes and mouthed, "Thank you, Captain Obvious."

"We must tread carefully from now on," Grrralph warned. "There may be more."

"Ya think?" Orogarn Two said.

"As a matter of fact, I do."

They continued on.

When we last saw our dauntless hero, er… half-elf, he was in a compromising position down in the secret den of Zerls-gön-wyld. The O-mail he sent Merisu depicted a dire situation, one she did not fully divulge to the Areyougonnabemygirlship, worrying that it might overly excite Pimpi and cause the others to question the usefulness of the endeavor. In short, Merisu had no idea if Vogonwë would still be in one unchewed piece by the time they finally got their collective derrière down there.

And so the Troopship continued to continue down the tunnel, though Merisu could no longer sense Vogonwë from afar (which either meant that he was dead, not bothering to send out O-mails, or anear). Chrysophylax was in the rear, not for lack of daring, but rather for considerable possession of rear, which was making it difficult to squeeze through the earthen tunnel. As he went, bits of rock and dirt came dislodged from the walls and ceiling, sprinkling the Oobydoobyship in a fine layer of silt.

Suddenly, Merisu stopped. The others came to a halt behind her, and Pimpi asked, “What is it?”

Merisu perked her ears, and said, “Singing!”

“I hear it too,” chimed in Orogarn Two.

“It sounds like a boy’s choir,” Earnur observed.

“Did you know,” piped up the Gateskeeper, “I was in a boy’s choir as a boy. First soprano. But my voice changed when I was thir—”

“That’s your changed voice?” Kuruharan snickered, and the Gateskeeper flushed as his cracking voice fell silent.

“Focus, people,” sighed Grrralph, shaking dust from his hood. He sniffed. “The mousse is definitely getting stronger. I also sense much fear. The hall is rank with it.”

“Perhaps Vogonwë is reciting a poem,” speculated Pimpi, her adorable face lighting into hopefulness. They continued on, Pimpi’s hopeful face lighting the way, and as they went the sounds of squeaky singing became even more distinct.

“Definitely a choir of some sort,” Earnur nodded, placing a hand on his sword as the promise of a row with a choir danced in his head. You’re sick, said Griper.

After an excruciatingly long time, the Redhotchilipeppership saw a red light up ahead. They all stopped, and stared at the light for a while. Merisu began to file her nails, Pimpi curled the ends of her hair around her fingers, Grrralph hummed along with the choir under his breath, Orogarn Two picked dirt out of his chest hairs, Earnur tapped a rhythm on his annoyed sword, Kuruharan counted to 111, and Chrysophylax wriggled his ample rump about a hundred yards behind the Dipship.

“For pity’s sake,” the Gateskeeper strained his vocal chords again, “the light is never going to turn green, so just go.”

“Oh, right.” Merisuwyniel and the Ibelieveinathingcalledloveship resumed trekking through The Darkness again, and Pimpi ate a cookie as they went.

**Fast forward**

The Youlookinatmeship elected Grrralph the Extra-Sensitive-Sensory-Perceptive to go through the crack in the wall first, and Merisu went second, and Pimpi went third, etc. until all had tumbled through the fissure (save Chrysi) and stood in the Hall of the Forest Zerls. They gaped in wonder at the sight before them.

All the little Zerls were standing in rows, across the floor and up the walls, singing at the top of their tiny lungs. The hall was filled with an exquisite sound like unto a thousand chandeliers crashing to the ground. In the middle of the hall stood Vogonwë, waving his arms like unto a conductor. In fact, that is exactly what he was doing—conducting the hall of Zerls in a rousing chorus of Kûm-bï-ýa.

“Vogie! What on earth are you doing?” Pimpi exclaimed.

“Under earth, m’dear!” Vogonwë said, whipping his mousse around to look at her.

“You sent me a picture of a dire situation!” Merisu said, sounding slightly put out.

“It seems to have taken care of itself,” Vogonwë shrugged. “I happened on the Zerlish word for ‘friend’ and now they all think I’m their mother.”

“That makes no sense, but somehow, it fits you,” Earnur said, slapping his sword disappointedly.

“Awww! They’re so cute,” Pimpi turned her attention to the Zerls. “I could just squeeze their eyes out!”

“I wouldn’t recommend it,” Vogonwë said. “You have to be very careful around these chaps. I noticed that they like to sing, so I’m teaching them The Lay of the Entish Bow, that poem I wrote about our first adventure.”

“I thought it sounded nauseatingly familiar,” Orogarn Two mumbled.

“Well…” Merisu shifted her posture, feeling a tad miffed that there was no rescuing or plot-hijacking required. “You can’t take them with us, you know.”

Vogonwë lifted his hands above his head, and the Zerls hit a particularly painful high note. Everyone besides Grrralph wince and covered their ears as a shower of dirt and pebbles pelted them.

“Why not?” Grrralph turned to Merisu, as an idea came into what passed for his head. He pictured himself—oh and Vogonwë, too, if that’s the way it had to be—leading the troop of fluffy white creatures in an off Broádhwaë production called The Taming of the Zerls.

“Because—” Merisu began, but was cut off as the wall behind them collapsed with a tremendous shudder, shake, shimmy, and ko-ko-bop-ka-boom! Chrysophylax had finally rejoined the Comehithership, and was tearing down the wall in lieu of his ability to squeeze through cracks.

“EEEEEEE!” screamed the Zerls, breaking rank.

Chrysi crashed through the wall in dragonly glory, roaring, “Hear I come to save the day!”

Before anyone in the Shakeyotailfeathership could stop him, the Great Dope charged ahead, grabbed Vogonwë by his hair, and tossed him over his shoulder, where he landed in a heap on the Uriahheapship. Chrysi reared up on his hind legs and spread out his wings, shielding the Cindylouwhoship with his expansive expanse. The Zerls trapped on the other side of his wrath screamed in terror as they ran around in circles. Chrysi opened his Great Maw and spewed forth a gust of mighty flame, burning every last fluffy white adorable singing cutie to an unrecognizable crisp.

The dragon lowered his wings and turned around to the face the Writeyourownjokeship. “There! Could Mordaenárur do that, I ask you? Did you ever see him breathe fire? Does he even have wings with which to protect his comrades? No! So what does he have that I don’t have? What’s he got that I don’t got? What the Mightymorphinpowerrangership does she see in him, I ASK YOU???”

A moment of silence ensued, then Merisu turned to Grrralph and said, “I guess that’s why not.”

<font size=1 color=339966>[ 4:39 PM January 27, 2004: Message edited by: Diamond18 ]