Sports
Here are this weeks Football / soccer results.
Barrow Downs League
Moderators united – 3
Chest Pains Athletic – 0
Rotten Skin FC – 9
Legless legs – 2
Wethertop Paragraph – 0
Midge water hysterical – 1
Gregory Arithmetic – 2
Hobbiton Inflation – 6
Bywater tentacle Vs Buckland swelling
Match postponed due to orange pitch
Education
The Barrow Downs minister for education announced this week that dead children are to be banned from schools. A survey showed that dead children don't do enough work and distract the other children due to teasing and smells. Head teachers have welcomed the scheme saying that it will reduce classroom sizes and also leave the canteen freer to living people.
Barrow Wights have called the decision 'disgraceful', 'horrible', 'shocking', and 'disgraceful'.