[Beanamir of Gondor]

I've matched up Simkin (magic personified) against Sauron. Could you hear the stichomythia?
Simkin: Take that, you lout! [turns into a pair of tongs and jabs into the Eye]
Sauron: AHH! Cursed Mordor-rat!
Simkin: Egad! I'm insulted! [changes back, sits down on Orodruin, and pouts]
Sauron: Come back here, ya jester, bring it on!
Simkin: You brute, don't provoke me! [turns into the Ring] Look, I'm going to jump into Mount Doom!
Sauron: Wait, no!!
...et cetera...