Orth-Tank Not quite the Mach 5
It was a rather annoyed Saruman that was behind the wheel of the Orth-Tank. He could indistinctly be heard mumbling something about Grima not installing the turbo as he was supposed.
"That good for nothing free loader. When I was merrily on my way to get my turbo powered engines that fool of a Wormtongue said he'd get it for me but did he? No he very well didn't. Why that no good Grima." though Saruman to himself. "Oh, seems they're about to start soon!" exclaimed the wizard. "Better find that good for nothing Grima and go over the maps for a final time before we set off." with that the wise one retreated to the interior of his vehicle to seek his assistant.
After a few minutes of searching Saruman found Grima asleep on the navigation table. Not seated on a chair with his head between folded arms on the table but asleep
on the table, why that good for nothing man. Saruman roused him with a quick bonk on the head from his staff. "Keep awake, we've much work to do." Saruman bonked his assistant on the head again before the fool dozed off again. "Have you built the profiles on our foes and their potential risk yet?" The man nodded and hit the
play button on the projector. Two midget orcs pulled themselves out of the rather large machine along with a few large screens. They placed the first one on the wall.
Vehicle: Mount Zoom; A wonderful vehicle.
Driver: Sauron; Dark Lord, owe him tribute.
Passenger: Mouth of Sauron; Arrogant and talks too much.
Potential Risk: Yes.
Saruman grunted angrily, what sort of profiles were this? They told him nothing of his enemies. Owing to Grima this may actually end up being a hard race to win but they would cheat anyway. Saruman walked over to Grima and smiled at him. "Well, lad, have you at least hidden the Uruk-Hai in the crates as I asked you to?" He asked to which Grima nodded, "Yes, sire!" Saruman's smile widened, seemed the fool had done something right, "Excellent! Maybe you aren't as big an idiot as you look. Do you know what we are to do with them?" To this Grima shook his head, "No, sire." Saruman let out a cackle and said, "We shall deploy them along our course so that they hinder our opponents!" Grima was shocked at what he had heard, "But sire, wouldn't that be cheating?"
Saruman gave him a blank look, what sort of idiot had he picked as an assistant? "...Yes..." "But sir, isn't that what the villains would do?" Saruman sighed and shook his head causing his beard to move from side to side rather violently, "We are the villains you idiot." Grima smiled, "Well at least now our motto makes sense, 'Win or lose always cheat.' Only one problem." Saruman frowned, "What is it now Grima?" "I forgot to pack the crates." Jolly good Grima, you've done the deed but forgotten to carry it along for the results. Saruman sighed and shook his head but what had been done had been done, it seemed the Mach 5 had been left tool-less. But enough of that, it was now time to check the maps.
"Grima, what way do you think we should go?" Saruman asked his assistant, studying the maps. "How about we go East sir?" "East? Yes, I've been east before but we shall eventually run into the sea." "Nonsense sir, by moving east we shall move off the edge and end up on the other side." Grima said, beaming proudly. "No more 2-D side scrollers for you, you're enough of an idiot as it is. Now hush, let me think." So Grima let his master be and went back to his little nap.
Saruman though for a while, he thought as he stroked his long white beard.
Those wretched hobbits were in this race. They had beaten him in the Finest Pipe-Weed Battle. Damn them.
And that Sauron and his Mouth? Hmph, they had won the Villain's Baking Contest, Saruman's cookies weren't pretty enough. Damn them.
And oh look, if it wasn't dear Eowyn and Theoden. They had beaten him at Helms' Deep somehow. Damn them.
Denethor and Faramir. They had been beating him in the Garden Variety Show for three years now. Damn them.
And the Witch-King and that other guy with him. They had been on the cover page of 'Evil Glorified' over him. Damn them.
And then there was Gothmog and his orc. They were probably filler. Damn them.
And that about summed up what Saruman thought about his foes. Now, back to thinking about where to go. He continued to stroke his great white beard, where should they go? Which way would lead to victory? Perhaps the ought to move South-West till they arrived at the Gap of Rohan or they could always cut West and head for Rivendell. Choices, choices... it was time to awaken Grima once more. Saruman hobbled over to Grima and the staff did the rest. "Listen Grima, we must decide which way to head. It seems the time to set off has arrived. Come I shall speak to you as we drive."
Saruman walked to the large balcony of the Orth-Tank and on the mark, he set off. "Now Grima we could head South-West and make for the Gap of Rohan but I hear we're not liked there, I wonder why... or we could cut West for Rivendell. What say you?"
---
Menel, I'm not sure if you're still here or not (kinda forgot when you're going and too lazy to check) but if you are then reply to this if you can. I'll check back every now and then and post again with the final direction before the deadline.