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Old 01-14-2005, 06:57 AM   #1
Findegil
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Ruin of Doriath - The Shadow falls on Brethil

Since we did agree that WH will become the first part of RoD, I will with this thread provide a place for to discuss the changes that this texts needs. The discussion should not begin immediatly since we are still involved in "Ruin of Doriath - Final Part" but it might be good to have the changes out here to muse about them for some time.

First this part of the story brings up some further general changes. I will take up the list with RD-37 since that does occour often in this part:
RD-37
Avranc to Daruin per WH Note 55

RD-38
Gelion to Duin Daer

RD-39
Dorlas to Darlas per WH Note 55

RD-40
Angbor to Halabor per WH Note55

RD-41
Halad to Halbar per WH Note 55

RD-42
Dorlómin to Dor-lómin if we whish for consistency we should make a change but I could not find any reason to force one or the other spelling. Thus I took Dor-lómin since it is more often used in Tolkiens writings.

There are no changes in this part to adjust the storyline (RD-SL-zz) and to call the changes in this RD-EX-zz would not fit the charchter of the changes and it would bring in some higher nummbers before the lower once. Thus I will lable all changes in this section RD-WH-zz.

I will not give the full text here, but any change introduced will be given. I have numbered the § of the text from §1 So ended the tale of Túrin the Hapless, ... to §266 But Húrin stood silent, ... and will reffer to them by giving the number and the first words (as above) and if some changes are done behind a particular § the last words. Any passage need to make the suggested change clear is given.

Some conventions of my writing:
Normal Text is from the basic text that is mentioned above (when I change the basic-Text it will be mentioned)
Bold Text = source information, comments and remarks
{ } = text that should be deleted
[ ] = normalised text
<source > = additions with source information
example = text inserted for grammatical reason
/ / = outline expansion
Normally if an inserted text includes the beginning of a new § these is indicated by a missing “>” at the end of the § and a missing “<” at the beginning of the next.

The basic Text is that ot The Wanderings of Húrin in the later version. The double crosses (**) that indicat the places where the earlier version differs and the inserted comentray are taken out without indication.

Now to the changes:
RD-WH-01: This is based on Note 57 to WH:
Quote:
On the amanuensis typescript my father pencilled, beneath The Wanderings of Hurin: 'I The Shadow Falls on Brethil'. At the beginning of his discussion of the story in text C (p. 266) he said of Asgorn and his men that 'their coming to Brethil is needed to "cast the shadow" by arousing fear and hatred in the heart of Harathor.' It may be therefore that the subheading The Shadow Falls on Brethil was intended to refer only to the first part of the story of Hurin in Brethil. On the other hand, he introduced no other sub-headings into the body of the text, and it seems equally possible that he meant this as the title of the whole story, 'II' to be the next stage of Hurin's 'wanderings', Hurin in Nargothrond.
I would follow the second suggestion. Thus the heading at the begining of this chapter would be:
Quote:
Of the Ruin of Doriath
The Wanderings of Húrin
RD-WH-01 <WH, Note 57 The Shadow Falls on Brethil>


§1 So ended the tale of Túrin the Hapless, ...
In addition we then would intorduce further sub-headings in the subchapter The Wanderings of Húrin:
Quote:
§1b (§268) {Húrin gathered therefore a few outlaws of the woods unto him, and they came to Nargothrond, which as yet none, Orc, Elf, or Man, had dared to plunder, for dread of the spirit of {Glomund}[Glaurung] and his very memory.} RD-SL-01 <Conclusion of the second draft Manuscript WH; Note 54 But some misliked this ... that no one had told Húrin of their coming.>


RD-EX-02.5 <WH, Note 57 Hurin in Nargothrond>


§1d (§269) RD-EX-02.7<WH, Note 54, Text 2 But now Húrin {seems}seemed to pick up strength and youth ...
and
Quote:
§9 (§280) TT Now his heart was bitter against ... and evil has followed its finders for ever.>


RD-EX-11.5 <WH, Note 57 Húrin in Doriath>


§10a (§281) RD-SL-06 <TT Yet in the end that laden host ...
Maybe it would be better to discuss these changes in an other context in a seperat chapterstructer discussion for all the later Beleriandic part of the 'Translation from the Elvish'. Anyway it isn't really a problem to edit them in or out, and if they are to be taken in, this is the place to discuss their exact placment.

RD-WH-02 incooperating the text from the continuation of The Grey Annals:
Quote:
§5 Then little though Húrin trusted aught that Morgoth said or did, knowing that he was without pity, he took his freedom and went forth in grief, embittered by the deceits of the Dark Lord. Twenty-eight years Húrin was captive in Angband RD-WH-02 {…} <WH, Continuation of Grey Annals, and at his release was in his sixtieth year, ...
...
§18 'RD-WH-07 WH, Note 19{Tôl}[Tûl] acharn!' said Húrin. 'Vengeance comes. I am not the last of the Edain, whether I fare ill or well.' And with that he departed, and left the land of Hithlum.>
RD-WH-03:
Quote:
§5 Then little though Húrin trusted aught that Morgoth said or did, knowing that he was without pity, he took his freedom and went forth in grief, embittered by the deceits of the Dark Lord. Twenty-eight years Húrin was captive in Angband RD-WH-02 {…} <WH, Continuation of Grey Annals, and at his release was in his sixtieth year, but great strength was in him still, in spite of the weight of his grief, for it suited the purpose of Morgoth that this should be so RD-WH-03 <WH, Note 19 and the needs of his body had been well served to this end>. He was sent under guard as far as the east-marches of Hithlum, and there he was let go free.
RD-WH-04 - RD-WH-06:
Quote:
§10 For I have no purpose now, unless I find chance to RD-WH-04 WH, Note 19 {avenge the wrongs of my son} [hear more news of my kin, or to avenge their wrongs, if I may].'

§11 RD-WH-05 WH, Note 19 {Asgron}[Asgon] and six other desperate men were willing to go with him; and Húrin led them to the halls of Lorgan, who still called himself the Lord of Hithlum. Lorgan heard of their coming and was afraid, and he gathered other chieftains and their men in his house for defence. But Húrin coming to the gates looked on the RD-WH-06 WH, Note 19 {Eastrons}[Easterlings] in scorn.
RD-WH-07:
Quote:
§18 'RD-WH-07 WH, Note 19{Tôl}[Tûl] acharn!' said Húrin. 'Vengeance comes. I am not the last of ...
RD-WH-08:
Quote:
§169 Silence fell. But when Hardang ... as was {Dorlas}[Darlas] his father before him. RD-WH-08 WH, Note 46 [(]And dark tales were whispered concerning {Dorlas}[Darlas] for though naught was known for certain, he was found slain far from the battle with Glaurung, and the reddened sword that lay by him had been the sword of Brandir. [)]
RD-WH-09:
Quote:
§245 'But, lord, if she came no further, but finding the RD-WH-09, WH, Note 55{Stone}[Talbor] there sat in grief and despair by the grave of her son, as I can believe, then...'
RD-WH-10:
Quote:
§247 'Then, Húrin Hadorion, out of the darkness of your woe know this! My lord, so great a grief, and so great a horror of the things that there came to pass is upon us that no man and no woman since the setting up of the RD-WH-10 WH, Note 55{Stone}[Talbor] has ever again gone nigh to that place. Nay! the Lord Orome himself might sit by that stone with all his hunt about him, and we should not know. Not unless he blew his great horn, and even that summons we should refuse!'
RD-WH-11:
Quote:
§252 Therefore at length they set off in silence on the path that led down along the falling torrent of Celebros. Wellnigh eight leagues was that road, and darkness fell ere they came to Nen Girith, and there they passed the night as they could. And the next morning they went on down the steep way to the Field of Burning, and they found the body of Morwen at the foot of the RD-WH-11, WH, Note 55{Standing Stone}[Talbor]. Then they looked upon her in pity and wonder; for it seemed to them that they beheld a great queen whose dignity neither age nor beggary nor all the woe of the world had taken from her.
RD-WH-12 & RD-WH-13:
Quote:
§254 But Húrin said: 'Nay, Nienor is not here, but it is fitter that she should lie here near her son than with any strangers. So she would have chosen.' Therefore they made a grave for Morwen above Cabed Naeramarth on the west side of the RD-WH-12, WH, Note 55{Stone}[Talbor]; and when the earth was laid upon her they carved on the RD-WH-13, WH, Note 55{Stone}[Talbor]: Here lies also Morwen Eðelwen, while some sang in the old tongue the laments that long ago had been made for those of their people who had fallen on the March far beyond the Mountains.
In view of the change of "Standing Stone" or "Stone" -> "Talbor" it might be noted that I left in
Quote:
§70 But Húrin passed on, and at evening of the sixth day he came at last to the place of the burning of Glaurung, and saw the tall stone standing near the brink of Cabed Naeramarth.
unchanged since "stone" was here not capitalised. And in
Quote:
§212 'Ashamed ye may be. But this is not my charge. I do not ask that any in this land should match the son of Húrin in valour. But if I forgive those griefs, shall I forgive this? Hear me, Men of Brethil! There lies by the Standing Stone that you raised an old beggar-woman. Long she sat in your land, without fire, without food, without pity. Now she is dead. Dead. She was Morwen my wife. Morwen Eðelwen, the lady elven-fair who bore Túrin the slayer of Glaurung. She is dead.
because I think Húrin can not know the name before he hears it from Manthor in §245.

That's all I could find in these part of the text that needed a change. All changes are open for discussions and please comment on any needed change I have missed.

Respectfully
Findegil
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