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Old 06-14-2018, 05:05 PM   #3
Shade of Carn Dûm
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 389
ArcusCalion has just left Hobbiton.
FY-HL-01: Yes, the first one is just listing the source, my bad.

DGF-SL-01: I am not sure what parts do not work. Is this enough of a change?
DGF-SL-01 <Of the Rings of Power Thus began the Third Age of the World, after the Eldest Days and the Black Years; and there was still hope in that time and the memory of mirth, and for long the White Tree of the Eldar flowered in the courts of the Kings of Men DGF-SL-01.5 {, for the seedling which he had saved Isildur planted in the citadel of Anor in memory of his brother, ere he departed from Gondor}. The servants of Sauron ....
The first sentence besides the part that I removed is in reference to the entire Third Age, as this is the opening line. With the repeated bit about the White Tree removed, is this enough?

LA-SL-16: Here is my proposal to edit this in the sequence you prefer. For Sauron Defeated I would leave it as you had it, but change the initial 'For' to a 'But' to make it flow better. I also still think that LA-SL-17 should not be included, since it is repeating the information. As for this chapter, I would edit it now thus:
The Ruling Ring passed out of the knowledge even of the Wise in that age; yet it was not unmade. For Isildur DGF-SL-03.5 {would not surrender it to Elrond and Círdan who stood by. They counselled him to cast it into the fire of Orodruin nigh at hand, in which it had been forged, so that it should perish, and the power of Sauron be forever diminished, and he should remain only as a shadow of malice in the wilderness. But Isildur refused this counsel, saying: ‘This I will have as were-gild for my father's death, and my brothers. Was it not I that dealt the Enemy his death-blow?' And the Ring that he held seemed to him exceedingly fair to look on; and he would not suffer it to be destroyed. Taking}took it {therefore}and he returned at first to Minas Anor, and there planted the White Tree in memory of his brother Anárion.>
I would also remove the paragraph break between this and the DGF-SL-04 addition. Does this work?

DGF-SL-07/12: Agreed, this is great.

DGF-SL-13/LA-SL-13: Agreed. I would propose a minor edit to each:
LA-SL-13 <The Disaster of the Gladden Fields, Note 11 Isildur {had} sent {them}his sons Aratan and Ciryon to man his fortress of Minas Ithil, lest Sauron should escape Gil galad and Elendil and seek to force away through Cirith Dúath (later called Cirith Ungol) and take vengeance on the Dúnedain before he was overcome.>
and for this chapter:
DGF-SL-13 [Footnote: All three had fought in the War of the Alliance, but Aratan an Ciryon had not been in the invasion of Mordor and the siege of Barad-dûr {, for Isildur had sent them to man his fortress of Minas Ithil, lest Sauron should escape Gil galad and Elendil and seek to force away through Cirith Dúath (later called Cirith Ungol) and take vengeance on the Dúnedain before he was overcome}. Elendur, Isildur's heir and dear to him, had accompanied his father throughout the war (save the last challenge upon Orodruin) and he was in Isildur's full confidence.]
Does this work?

DGF-SL-14: Good catch. I think we can insert that information here like so:
... and changed its name from Eryn Galen to DGF-SL-15 {Taur-nu-Fuin}[Taur-e-Ndaedelos] (translated Mirkwood), the Emyn Duir became a haunt of many of his most evil creatures, and were called Emyn-nu-Fuin, the Mountains of Mirkwood.
DGF-SL-16 <further on in Note 14 The Men-i-Naugrim was the ancient Forest Road that led down from the Pass of Imladris and crossed Anduin by a bridge (that had been enlarged and strengthened for the passage of the armies of the Alliance), and so over the eastern valley into the Greenwood. The Anduin could not be bridged at any lower point; for a few miles below the Forest Road the land fell steeply and the river became very swift, until it reached the great basin of the Gladden Fields. Beyond the Fields it quickened again, and was then a great flood fed by many streams, of which the names are forgotten save those of the larger: the Gladden (Sîr Ninglor), Silverlode (Celebrant), and Limlight (Limlaith).>]
Dpes this work?
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