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Old 11-08-2006, 12:24 PM   #145
Farael
Ghost Prince of Cardolan
 
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Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: In hospitals, call rooms and (rarely) my apartment.
Posts: 1,549
Farael has just left Hobbiton.
Let me add my two-cents here...

The Scientific Downer:Your best source of scientertainment

So, here’s the situation. There has been much discussion and positioning and arguing and fighting and yada yada about The Rings Of Power. Yeah, they look good… yeah, they do give you super-human(or elven, or maiar, or dwarven) powers but… what are they made of?

Thanks to the advances in technology we have been able to run a series of tests with some amazing results.

The One Ring
Obviously, the first step in analyzing just about anything is, well, getting it. We talked to the elves but they kept on their secretive ways. We talked to the dwarves and all we achieved was to be chased out of Moria by a Balrog. On second thought, maybe those creatures were a bit too ugly, even for dwarves. We were a little frustrated, and just then the unlikeliest of things happened. A Halfling came knocking at my door with THE Ring of power. No, wait, that’s inaccurate. I knocked a Halfling out and took him through my door. Well, the point is, he had THE Ring of power, and I stole it. Then I replaced it with a similar looking ring that had belonged to some ill-fated Dunedain of the north. Poor little guy, I think he went all the way to Mordor to destroy it. And Sauron DID perish. Talk about placebo effect.

So, we had this ring in our possession and decided to run some tests. With the help of Alatar BSc MSc and Lhunadarwen BSc, I Farael BSc MSc PhD AbC, ZYX, LON, GDESI, GNATION, have done extensive research in the matter of this ring of power.

First we compared it’s melting temperature to that of the most common gold alloys. It didn’t melt, thus we assume it is Not made of gold.

Then we proceeded to compare it’s melting temperature to that of higher melting compounds, such as plutonium, uranium and my favourite, ununoctium. The ring, again, did not melt, thus we concluded that it is not made of any known metal. By the way, the third barrow off of Downers Street North at Ringbearer Ave. is now radioactive. Precautions should be taken when walking in the vicinity.

After proving the One ring is not made of metal, the next logical assumption was to test to see if it was a non-metal. We tried dissolving it in both polar and non polar solvents, we tried combining it with other non-metals and their Ions and finally we tried smashing it, stepping on it, biting it and throwing it against the walls of my barrow. The last few methods were not scientifically motivated, but we were rather frustrated.

After exhausting all our ideas, it was Lhuna who proposed we run the Ring through a gas-chromatograph. I must say I laughed at her, if we cannot melt it, how could it be a gas? But using her powers of persuasion she convinced me to try.

Well, guess what happened? If you are expecting me to say that it worked, you really are a “the glass is half-full” kind of person. No, it didn’t work, but it lead Alatar to make the following, reasonable conclusion.

Since the Ring is not made of gold, or any other metal or alloy, it is not a non-metal nor a gas, we conclude that, in spite of evidence pointing in the contrary, the Ring does not exist at all

Thus, you all need no longer concern yourselves with such trivial matters. As for that little gold band that we now know does not exist, even though I have it in my pocket, I shall keep it. After all, it came to me… it’s mine… My Precioussss…..


Farael, of the many designations
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