[ArcusCalion]

To your three points:

1. I see the difficulty, and support the removal of the "most skilled in magic" portion, but I do not see the sinister connotation. Melian and Thingol drew elves to them and became mighty king and queen among them, even though she is a Maia, but it is not sinister remotely. To me, the fading before the sun bit simply suggests he is a Maia of Lorien who likes mists and twilight, not that he is evil. I feel that it would be good to include them, if only for the sake of fleshing out this part of the legendarium, since it is only very broadly sketched out. The Murmenalda description and the Cuivienen and Avari are all great images, and I think it would be a shame to lose them.

2. I am glad.

3. I had not noticed this, but you are of course right. I have edited the LT insertion accordingly.

OM-01: I see you are right. I will remove it. I will include an edited form of the whole insertion below.

OM-02: The word fairies is used to describe the elves as well, cf. Elwing the fairy. The sense that I got was that the Hisildi were the Avari of his realm.

The stature of the sleepers must be changed, agreed.

I have fixed this.

I have removed this section.

OM-05: I have inserted it at the end of the following paragraph. See below.

OM-06: agreed.

OM-07: Agreed

OM-08: I have fixed these, thanks for catching them.

Here is the edited version of the LT insert and the following paragraph.

OM-01 <LT GT {Now the {Eldar or Qendi}[Quendi] had the gift of speech direct from Ilúvatar, and it is but the sunderance of their fates that has altered {them}[their tongues] and made them unlike; yet is none so little changed as the tongue of the Dark Elves of {Palisor}[Endor].} Now the tale tells of a certain {fay}[Maia], and names him Tû the wizard{, for he was more skilled in OM-02{magics}[enchantments] than any that have dwelt ever yet beyond the land of Valinor}; and wandering about the world he found the {dun/dim Elves}[Dark-elves] and he drew them to him and taught them many deep things, and he became as a mighty king among them, and their tales name him the Lord of Gloaming and all the OM-03 {fairies}[Elves] of his realm Hisildi or the twilight people. Now the places about {Koivie-neni}[Cuiviénen] the Waters of Awakening are rugged and full of mighty rocks, and the stream that feeds that water falls therein down a deep cleft a pale and slender thread, but the issue of the dark lake was beneath the earth into many endless caverns falling ever more deeply into the bosom of the world. There was the dwelling of Tû the wizard, and fathomless hollow are those places, but their doors have long been sealed and none know now the entry.
There was a pallid light of blue and silver flickering ever, and many strange spirits fared in and out beside the numbers of the Elves. Now of those Elves there was one Nuin, and he was very wise, and he loved much to wander far abroad, for the eyes of the Hisildi were becoming exceeding keen, and they might follow very faint paths in those dim days. On a time did Nuin wander far to the east of {Palisor}[Endor], and few of his folk went with him, nor did Tû send them ever to those regions on his business, and strange tales were told concerning them; but now curiosity overcame Nuin, and journeying far he came to a strange and wonderful place the like of which he had not seen before. A mountainous wall rose up before him, and long time he sought a way thereover, till he came upon a passage, and it was very dark and narrow, piercing the great cliff and winding ever down.
Now daring greatly he followed this slender way, until suddenly the walls dropped upon either hand and he saw that he had found entrance to a great bowl set in a ring of unbroken hills whose compass he could not determine in the gloom. Suddenly about him them gushed the sweetest odors of the Earth — nor were more lovely fragrances ever upon the airs of Valinor, and he stood drinking in the scents with deep delight, and amid the fragrance of evening flowers came the deep odors that many pines loosen upon the midnight airs.
Suddenly afar off down in the dark woods that lay above the valley's bottom a nightingale sang, and others answered palely afar off, and Nuin well-nigh swooned at the loveliness of that dreaming place, and he knew that he had trespassed upon Murmenalda or the "Vale of Sleep", where it is ever the time of first quiet dark beneath young stars, and no wind blows.
Now did Nuin descend deeper into the vale, treading softly by reason of some unknown wonder that possessed him, and lo, beneath the trees he saw the warm dusk full of sleeping forms, and some were twined each in the other's arms, and some lay sleeping gently all alone, and Nuin stood and marveled, scarce breathing.
Then seized with a sudden fear he turned and stole from that hallowed place, and coming again by the passage through the mountain he sped back to the abode of Tû; and coming before that oldest of wizards he said unto him that he was new come from the Eastward Lands, and Tû was little pleased thereat; nor any the more when Nuin made an end of his tale, telling of all he there saw[.] OM-03.2 {— "and methought," said he, "that all who slumbered there were children, yet was their stature that of the greatest of the Elves."}
Then did Tû fall into fear of Manwë, nay even of Ilúvatar the Lord of All, and he said to Nuin> OM-03.5 <LT GT: Outline A that the sleepers he had found were the new Children of Ilúvatar, and that they were waiting for light. He forbade any of the Elves to wake them or to visit those places, being frightened of the wrath of Ilúvatar {but despite this Nuin went there often and watched, sitting on a rock. Once he stumbled against a sleeper, who stirred but did not wake. At last, overcome by curiosity, he awakened two, named Ermon and Elmir. They were dumb and very much afraid, but he taught them much of the {Ilkorin}[Avarin] tongue, for which reason he is called Nuin Father of Speech. Then came the first dawn; and Ermon and Elmir alone of Men saw the first Sun rise in the West and come over to the OM-04{Eastward Haven}[east].}>
§82. OM-06 At the first rising of the Sun above the earth the younger children of the world awoke in the land of Hildórien in the midmost parts of Middle-earth beyond the Great River and the Inner Sea, OM-07 in regions which neither the Eldar nor the Avari have known; for measured time had come upon earth, and the first of days, and the long awaiting was at an end. Thereafter the vigor of the Quendi that remained in the inner lands was lessened, and their waning was begun; and the air of Middle-earth became heavy with the breath of growth and mortality. For there was great growth in that time beneath the new Sun, and the midmost lands of Middle-earth were clothed in a sudden riot of forest and they were rich with leaves, and life teemed upon the soil and in the waters. But the first sun arose in the West, and the opening eyes of Men were turned thitherward, and their feet as they wandered over earth for the most part strayed that way. OM-05 <GT Outline D {Men grew in stature, and gathered knowledge of the Dark-elves, but} [But] Tû faded before the Sun and hid in the bottomless caverns.>

After the last paragraph here the chapter continues as in the previous draft.