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Old 06-12-2018, 08:40 PM   #2
Shade of Carn Dûm
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 366
ArcusCalion has just left Hobbiton.
BY-HL-20: What about the name of the HoME book: Sauron Defeated

LA-SL-01: I think we can take the entire opening of the paragraph instead of editing. I know it is a slight repeat of what was said in the last chapter, but there was an interlude between these things, and I think it is preferable to leave things as they are instead of changing the wording for such a little reason.

LA-SL-02: I would say 'at Pelargir' since we have already given this name before.

LA-SL-03: I think that this note actually simply says that they are reffering to the Prince of Dol Amroth when they say 'prince.' The word ernil is a Sindarin word for 'prince.' Therefore, I think the use of it here as a name is far too great a liberty. I also think that we should keep the origin of the name 'Dol Amroth' and I do not think it can be inserted later easily. Without a name, I do not think this note can be re-worked. Therefore I think we should keep it in its original place as a footnote to Cirion and Eorl. It is a minor note and will not be a big deal if it is not kept in the chronological narrative.

LA-SL-04: Agreed

LA-SL-05: Agreed, but I would return to the Of the Rings of Power text with "{and in}In the circle of Angrenost" because it flows better.

LA-SL-05.5: Right after this paragraph, I think we can add in this bit from the Rivers and Beacon Hills of Gondor:
LA-SL-05.5 <RBHG The regions of Gondor had a complex history in the remote past, so far as their population was concerned, and the Númenóreans evidently found many layers of mixed peoples, and numerous islands of isolated folk either clinging to old dwellings, or in mountain-refuges from invaders. [Footnote: Though none of the regions of the Two Kingdoms were before (or after {!}) the Númenórean settlements densely populated as we should reckon it.]>
LA-SL-06: Agreed

LA-SL-07: Agreed, but for the last tense change, it should be 'lay' not 'lied.'

LA-SL-08: Agreed

LA-SL-09: I am not sure this addition is justified, since it is such a small detail, and taking from a published text without good reason (like so) seems like it needs a very good reason.

LA-SL-10: Agreed

LA-SL-11: Agreed

LA-SL-12: Agreed, but we agreed to change the name Malgalad to Amdír.

LA-SL-13: I disagree with placing this here. We give this detail in the very next chapter, where the two are introduced as characters, and it fits much more smoothly there. I see no compelling reason to shift it here.

LA-SL-14: Agreed

LA-SL-15: Agreed

LA-SL-16: I think we should end the chapter right where it leaves off before this addition. In my draft for the next chapter, I had this paragraph in the beginning as is, and I see no reason to place this here. The phrase "Then Sauron was for that time vanquished, and he forsook his body, and his spirit fled far away and hid in waste places; and he took no visible shape again for many long years." is a much more definitive ending to the entirety of the Second Age narrative, and I think it leaves us on a good final note.

LA-SL-17: I do not think that this addition is needed, as it simply restates in slightly different words the meaning of the previous sentences. Therefore I do not see a good reason to take this passage from LotR, especially if the entire paragraph is used in its proper place next chapter.

As to the following paragraph, I used it as the opening paragraph for the first chapter of the Fading Years.

Last edited by ArcusCalion; 06-12-2018 at 08:55 PM.
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