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If I were Eru, Id transport all Tolkien-bashers to ME! Then I'll bring Morgoth back. Then I'll sit back with lots of popcorn and watch Morgoth kick their bloody(or bleeding) butts!
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Oh! Don't forget the silly fangirls. Ah, the sweet sounds of screaming in terror.
I would make Shadowfax buck Gandalf off his back whenever he tries to mount him.
Whenever anyone (even orcs) try to draw their swords thy'd turn into rubber chickens. Oh that would be so fun.
Thats all for now!