View Single Post
Old 01-14-2019, 10:00 PM   #12
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 121
gandalf85 has just left Hobbiton.
Here are my comments on "The Stewards" which became a new chapter after you guys discussed it (I definitely agree with making it a new chapter):

1) One small typo:

They were not expelled while the Third Ago lasted...
"Ago" should be "Age".

2) In AN-SL-21 it says, referring to Hurin the steward:

After his day the kings had always chosen their stewards from among his descendants..
But in "Of Gondor and the Heirs of Anarion" it said, referring to the family of Hurin:

From that time on the kings usually chose their steward from this family…
"Of Gondor" says the stewards were usually chosen from Hurin's family, here we say they were always chosen from Hurin's family. I say we change "usually" in the "Of Gondor" chapter to "always" to be factually correct.

3) AN-SL-21.6 is missing an "and" to be grammatically correct since it is starting a new thought:

The Stewards belonged to a family of the ancient Elf-friends AN-SL-21.6b <HoE and though the Húrinionath were not in the direct line of descent from Elendil, they were ultimately of royal origin, and had in any case kept their blood more pure than most other families in the later ages.>
4) AN-SL-24 feels like a really abrupt transition, but I can't think of anything to add which works well. This is my best attempt, but it feels slightly awkward:

AN-SL-24 <ORP In these days ever {Ever} most vigilant was Mithrandir ...

Do you guys have any better suggestions, or do you think it's fine as it stands?
gandalf85 is offline   Reply With Quote