View Single Post
Old 05-30-2018, 05:53 PM   #2
ArcusCalion
Quentingolmo
 
ArcusCalion's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 525
ArcusCalion has just left Hobbiton.
I agree to all of the changes, but for AMM-SL-03 the editing is awkward, and I would simplify it thus:
Quote:
AMM-SL-02 <MT, Text XI If it is AMM-SL-03 thus in Aman, or was ere the Change of the World,<editorial addition based on MT, Text XI, ‘Aman’ that the Elvish speed of 'growth' accorded with the unit of Valian time, so that {made} it was possible for the Valar to bring the Eldar to dwell in Aman,> and therein the Eldar had health and lasting joy, what shall we say of Men?
By keeping the thus, but adding in the addition from earlier in Aman, we now make the thus refer to this addition here, instead of to the earlier discussion. Therefore it is not necessary to include the added 'like it has been reported'. I think this flows much more smoothly.

As a side note, when laying out your drafts to me earlier, you originally included more material after the inserted Aman essay. Why the choice to end the chapter here instead?

Last edited by ArcusCalion; 05-30-2018 at 06:01 PM.
ArcusCalion is offline   Reply With Quote