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Morthoron · 05-26-2008, 10:45 AM

An Unexpected Party, Part II

Narrator: Even with the eventual arrival of Gandalf the Gray and Thorin Oakenshield, an immensely important leader of the dwarves (and quite nattily attired, I must say), the ransacking of Bilbo's hobbit-hole continued unabated.

*Sounds of tables overturning, glass breaking and drunken laughter*

Bilbo: Please be careful with that...

*A dwarf hurls a plate like a Frisbee to another dwarf sitting across the table*

Bilbo: Don't use that one, please, it's my Battle of Greenfields Bicentennial Commemorative mug!

* A dwarf crushes the mug against his forehead*

Dwalin: More ale, Bilbo!

Balin: And more cakes!

Bombur: And more meat!

Dumplin: And more cleavage! [the dwarf ogles Bilbo's opened collar]

Bilbo: [quickly buttoning his shirt] Please, my good dwarves, please do be more careful!

*The Dwarves break out into song*

Chip the glasses and break the plates
Carve obscenities into the table
That's what Bilbo Baggins hates
Plunder the cupboards and switch the labels

Spread grease upon the kitchen walls
Vomit all over the welcome mat
Play rugby up and down the hall
Break the bottles and bury the cat [a cat shrieks]

Burn the tapestries, molest the sheep [plaintive bleating]
Piddle down the cellar stairs
That's what makes poor Bilbo weep
Torture the houseplants and crucify hares [quick animation of a rabbit on a cross with a Gregorian chant as background music]

*Gandalf's mighty voice rises above the din like thunder*

Gandalf: Enough! That will be quite enough of that!

*A dwarf falls from a chandelier*

Gandalf: [In a more businesslike manner] Now, we have urgent business to attend to...

05-26-2008, 10:45 AM	#25
Morthoron Curmudgeonly Wordwraith Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Ensconced in curmudgeonly pursuits Posts: 2,528	An Unexpected Party, Part II Narrator: Even with the eventual arrival of Gandalf the Gray and Thorin Oakenshield, an immensely important leader of the dwarves (and quite nattily attired, I must say), the ransacking of Bilbo's hobbit-hole continued unabated. Sounds of tables overturning, glass breaking and drunken laughter Bilbo: Please be careful with that... A dwarf hurls a plate like a Frisbee to another dwarf sitting across the table Bilbo: Don't use that one, please, it's my Battle of Greenfields Bicentennial Commemorative mug! * A dwarf crushes the mug against his forehead* Dwalin: More ale, Bilbo! Balin: And more cakes! Bombur: And more meat! Dumplin: And more cleavage! [the dwarf ogles Bilbo's opened collar] Bilbo: [quickly buttoning his shirt] Please, my good dwarves, please do be more careful! The Dwarves break out into song Chip the glasses and break the plates Carve obscenities into the table That's what Bilbo Baggins hates Plunder the cupboards and switch the labels Spread grease upon the kitchen walls Vomit all over the welcome mat Play rugby up and down the hall Break the bottles and bury the cat [a cat shrieks] Burn the tapestries, molest the sheep [plaintive bleating] Piddle down the cellar stairs That's what makes poor Bilbo weep Torture the houseplants and crucify hares [quick animation of a rabbit on a cross with a Gregorian chant as background music] Gandalf's mighty voice rises above the din like thunder Gandalf: Enough! That will be quite enough of that! A dwarf falls from a chandelier Gandalf: [In a more businesslike manner] Now, we have urgent business to attend to... __________________ And your little sister's immaculate virginity wings away on the bony shoulders of a young horse named George who stole surreptitiously into her geography revision. Last edited by Morthoron; 05-26-2008 at 12:43 PM.