[the phantom]

After giving the order for the burial, Anakron turned and walked towards a large hut in the middle of the little village. Mardil hurried after him. Upon reaching the door, Anakron turned and faced Mardil, who had caught up. "Well- are you going to explain just what in Mordor you've been up to?" asked Anakron. Mardil smiled and nodded. "And should I assume you have completed challenge number three?" Mardil nodded again. "Well, come inside and tell me everything at once, then."

"It's getting late, Anakron," objected Mardil. "Couldn't we just make sure challenge three is taken care of tonight and leave the full story until the morning?"

"No, absolutely not!" said Anakron. "I think you've been rather rude, avoiding contact with me and the other escapees all this time. I think you owe me the full tale tonight," said Anakron as he entered the hut.

"All right then, I'll summarize it for you," said Mardil as he followed Anakron through the door. The hut was one large room with a bed, a table, and two chairs. Anakron motioned for Mardil to sit as he sat down and pulled his chair up to the table. Mardil took his seat and immediately began talking.

"It all started with Roggie. As you remember, he carried me to Mount Doom along with Sai and Alli, only he wasn't nearly so gentle with me."

"Yes, yes, squeezed you quite a bit, didn't he?"

"Yes, he did, but I'm glad. You see, I had never been so close to death before. Or, well maybe I have, but the other times it was over so quick and with the adrenaline and all it didn't have that much of an impact on me. But this time was different. I had time to think about it. One of my knives was held in such a way that a lethal squeeze from him would deal him a deadly dose of cold virus, but that didn't make me feel any better. I mean, taking him with me wouldn't bring me back to life. I was in a situation that I was not in control of, and you know how I hate that."

"Anyway, after a bit, a roadside advertisement happened to catch my eye. I think it was for some sort of video game system. It said 'Life is a game'. And that got me thinking. If my life is a game, and I die right now in Roggie's hand, then I have lost the game."

"Well, Mardil," interrupted Anakron, "That's always true. If life is a game then you lose when you die."

"No no no, that's not it!" objected Mardil. "Everyone dies, but it can't be that everyone loses, right? I mean, what kind of game is that? No no, dying is just the end of the game. Whether you won or lost is determined by how many points you scored before you died."

"And how exactly do you 'score points'?" asked Anakron, rolling his eyes as he settled back in his chair. "A cute brunette is worth five, a foreign model worth eight, and a wealthy sexy actress worth ten, I suppose?"

Mardil grinned and shook his head. "Very funny, Anakron, but I'm not talking about that sort of game."

"Then what are you talking about?" asked Anakron.

"I'm talking about doing what you are supposed to do, what you should do, and what you can do. For some people, that isn't much. They aren't in a position to do much of anything. But me, on the other hand. I could really do something great for Gondor! That's what I need to do in order to win."

"Why do you want to play this game, anyway?" asked Anakron.

"What do you mean by that?" returned Mardil.

"What I mean is, why are you worried about winning this game? Why don't you just do what you want to do? Have fun, relax, lay out in the sun, hop in the hot tub with some cheerleaders, you know?"

"I don't know," answered Mardil. "I'd certainly like to do that. That's all I've done since coming to Mordor, and I looked forward to doing it even more once I got back home- that's the main reason why I wanted to leave Mordor. But after being close to death, I sort of... I don't know... rearranged what I thought was important."

"Say no more, Mardil, I know exactly what you mean. I was just wondering if you truly had a thought altering experience, and it is now clear to me that you have." Anakron leaned forward onto the table. "Now- tell me what sort of things you did while at Mount Doom. I know you were up to something."

Mardil smiled broadly and leaned forward, and began talking in a low voice. "Mount Doom was the perfect place for me to cut some deals and send messages. As you know, it is illegal to carry a message in or out of Mordor without direct permission from the King, which is for me more than anyone else impossible to obtain. However, the casinos and resorts of Mount Doom are home to quite a few organizations that specialize in illegal activities, like message carrying. So, I got someone to take a message to my father and he returned an answer."

"What did he say?" asked Anakron anxiously.

"He's preparing for my return. His staff and speech writers are preparing a campaign that denounces the King for sending me to Mordor despite the fact that I did not speak an anachronism. He will also start an ad campaign blaming the King for all the corruption that has engulfed Gondor's government, as well as the weakened state of the military."

"Is he preparing fighting forces, just in case?" asked Anakron.

"Oh, yes, but it's being done quietly, and we hope it won't come to that," answered Mardil.

"What else did you do while staying at Mount Doom?" prodded Anakron.

"I forged a key alliance with a head of state and took over a powerful criminal organization," answered Mardil with a tone of general boredom.

"And how did you manage that?"

"Well, Roggie and I had to work together on that movie you put me in, and while we were together we got to talking. I admitted that my initial hostility towards him was very much based on stories of balrogs in the past, who were always pure evil. Roggie, however, is different. As soon as I saw him interacting with Alli that evening he carried me to Mount Doom, I realized he had some amount of goodness in him. After getting to know him, I found out that Melkor had duped him into servitude, and that he was happy when Angband was destroyed. Anyway, to make a long story short, Roggie and I reached an understanding, and after he was appointed the new Lord of Mount Doom, I made a little treaty with him. He pledged the support of Mount Doom and the surrounding area to me and my father, and in return I will, when I have taken hold of my destiny, make him Prince of Mordor. He will no longer be under the authority of the Grand Anakronist. But you won't mind, Anakron, because by that time you won't be the Grand Anakronist anymore- you'll be relaxing in Minas Tirith with servants at your disposal. So, did I do well?"

"Yes, yes, you did," said Anakron. "That explains the 'treaty with a head of state' thing, but what about the part with you becoming the head of a criminal organization?"

"Oh, I nearly forgot. I bumped into Khamul in the hotel. You know Khamul, right?"

"Of course!" snorted Anakron. "He's one of the three remaining Nazgul, and wields more illegal power than any other being in Middle Earth."

"Precisely!" said Mardil. "I arranged a talk with him, and he agreed to hand over his organization to me in exchange for a couple favors. Favor one- I didn't kill him. As you know, my family has a history of killing Nazgul. I have a couple of knives especially designed for it, and he knew it. Favor two- I told him I'd allow him to retire to Minas Tirith to stay in the Hospital for Recovering Evil Wraiths. As you know, he was downright horrible for centuries, but have you noticed that the last couple hundred years he's been doing illegal things such as money laundering and tax evasion far more than killing and stealing? I think Sauron's corruptive influence is beginning to wane, and he also thinks that is what is going on. He wants to try and find himself again- the way he was before Sauron and the ring Sauron gave to him."

"Well," said Anakron, "That's great and all, but what are you going to do as the head of a criminal organization? I didn't think you were that sort of person."

"I'm not. I'm going to use it's resources and influence to help my father and I, and when we have accomplished our goal I'll destroy the organization for good!"

"Excellent, Mardil, I assume you have detailed plans for everything?"

"Oh yes, never fear," said Mardil.

"But what about the third challenge," reminded Anakron. "I cannot let you leave Mordor unless you complete all of your tasks by the end of the final day of the escape. That's what the rules say. Now, you say you completed the challenge, correct?"

"Yes, I did."

"All right then. What did you take, and who did you take it from?" asked Anakron.

"During the making of that movie, I got to rub elbows with one of the other stars, J K Rowling. I coaxed her into giving me her most prized possession- the plot to her next Harry Potter book!"

Anakron's jaw dropped. "You're kidding!"

"No, I'm not."

"Then, you know what Professor Snape-"

"Yes."

"And if he's a-"

"Yes."

"And what all the horcruxes-"

"Yes."

"And if Malfoy-"

"Yes."

"And if Harry is-"

"Yes."

"And if he-"

"Of course."

"Wow! Are you serious?"

"Ask J K."

"All right, I will. I hope you don't mind, but I simply must, in the interest of running a fair escape, check your claim," said Anakron apologetically.

"I don't mind at all," said Mardil. "Look, I'd love to stay and chat, but it's really getting late. The werewolves will be out in another hour or so."

"Oh, thanks for reminding me!" exclaimed Anakron, standing to his feet. He shuffled over to his bed and pulled from beneath the mattress a small green stone. He tossed it to Mardil, who caught it.

"What is this?"

"This stone forces werewolves back into their human form when they get within ten yards or so of it. That way, if the wolves try to come after you, they will turn back into humans as soon as they crash into your hut," explained Anakron, "And I know you can deal with three humans quite easily," he added, eying Mardil's vast array of weaponry.

Mardil walked over to the door and opened it. "Thanks," he said over his shoulder before closing the door.