Disclaimer: The Sixth Wizard does not endorse any of the following rubbish he is about to spout. He expresses his sincere apologies to any Vala, Maia, Half-Maia or Child of Iluvatar offended by any of it. He states his true feelings are that Eru is a merciful and bountiful governer, and that any Dark Lords, Orcs, Trolls, Dragons, Balrogs, Fell Beasts, Ringwraiths, Dancing Spawns of Ungoliant, Were-Penguins and Lawyers can go get stuffed for all he cares.
Anyways...
Forget Lord Melkor! Hail Lord Zamorak! (friend comes over and whispers to the Sixth Wizard) - WHAT?? Runescape is just a game?!
Well, in that case, bow to Lord Melkor. . .
The Valar forgot Men and their kind! They sat in bliss, sending lowly messengers to them, as if Men were not worthy of their presence. They doomed Men to the domination of foul Gorthaur for three thousand years (curse him,
I was going to be Melkor's best servant), and what did the Powers do in their spare time? They made trinkets and sailed about in Swan-ships, occasionally sending a doomed-to-corruption Saruman or Pallando in for a laugh.
Iluvatar their daddy is even worse! Over a simple dispute about the border of the Numenorean Empire, he struck down their magnificent island with 3,000 years worth of hard work on it. And you thought dropping your papers in a puddle coming home from work one day was bad! What kind of an ego-istic stuck up Ultimatum is he? I'll tell you: one who is annoyed at his son being smarter than him. So he just HAS to send in his cronies to beat Lord Melkor up in a back-alley, ruining our Great Lord's plans in the process. It was 13 on 1! Real tough, the One and Only.
Throughout history our great Lord's wishes have been foiled by the canniving tricksters of "Good". All Melkor wanted was to have a few good go's at being world leader. Just a couple of thousand years! But oh no, goodie-two-shoes Manwe says he'll "give it to you when I'm done". That was seven Ages of the World ago, Manwe! (no wonder the only Maiar who'll hang out with you are the ones with beaks that can fly away) And as soon as Melkor starts exerting his Rights, Manwe's big brother Tulkas has to come in and punch him up. Bullies! I want my mummy...
Come fellow creatures of Shadowness! Rise up against our oppressors, and show them who's boss!
(It's my turn as World Leader, isn't it? I was after Sauron...)
<EDIT> Sorry guys, thought this was a Mirth thread, and just let myself go a bit. . .