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Old 11-06-2008, 03:36 AM   #107
Thinlómien
Shady She-Penguin
 
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: In a far land beyond the Sea
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Thinlómien is wading through the Dead Marshes.Thinlómien is wading through the Dead Marshes.Thinlómien is wading through the Dead Marshes.Thinlómien is wading through the Dead Marshes.Thinlómien is wading through the Dead Marshes.Thinlómien is wading through the Dead Marshes.
Tansy too wished the others goodnight and left. She knew she wouldn't be able to sleep and she wanted to let her thoughts buzz around in her head and reach some sort of order if they wished to do so, so she headed out of the inn to the fields and forest-paths.

Walking had always been something special to her, a way of distancing herself from everyday worries and seeing something new. It was something as close to an adventure as she could get in her life. Now that she was on an adventure, and had been walking all day, she still wanted to go for a walk to sort things out. She smiled at the way her strange self worked.

Sun had set while they had been inside and now the moon was rising. The sky was clear and there was no wind. Tansy looked at the stars, recalling the old story her grandmother had told her and her sister when they had been small. She had said that dead people go to the sky and become stars. Tansy hadn't believed in the story even back then, nor had she ever bothered herself with thoughts of death, but now she found herself wondering if one of the stars on the sky was shining there for the first time tonight.

She shrugged, as if to banish the silly thought. Why was she so affected with the Gaffer's death? People she knew had died before him. The gaffer had been a rather random acquiantance and Tansy had lost three grandparents and an aunt, and had almost lost her brother.

Besides she had even always known the Gaffer would die. To phrase the thought into words even just in her mind felt treacherous, but she could not deny the truth in it. Tansy hadn't been too happy to hear that Mira, who was still more a child than an adult, was to join their expedition, but when gaffer Hugo too had decided to come, she had secretly thought the adventure would be ruined. It would be easy enough to go on an adventure with a mere girl, but an old man to look after? And old man for whom the adventure would prove hard if not fatal? She had been afraid she'd end up looking after everyone and playing the nanny, just like home.

Now she was ashamed for those thoughts. She knew Hugo's death hadn't been caused by her wishing he would not be on the adventure, but she felt guilty nevertheless. Her guilt was only reinforced when she recalled another thought. She had been even slightly envious of the gaffer's position as the oldest of the adventurers. If he hadn't come, she would have been the oldest, the one who was supposed to be the wisest. Bitterly she thought she now had that position, being six years older than Rudy who was the second eldest. What wisdom had she ever had to offer to anyone?

She hoped Bunny at least knew what she was doing. Tansy had faith in her young friend, but she knew Bunny was sometimes too idealistic, rash, unthoughtful or impractical to succeed in things or act rationally. (Rationality on an adveture? She rebuked herself for being silly.) She wondered if Bunny had any idea about what she was going to do with the young guy, Michael. Tansy didn't think he would be dangerous and could understand his desire for adventure, but she was a little doubtful. She doubted the newcomer's capacity to handle any kind of tight situations an adventure could involve, and she also doubted the others would accept him to their group.

She took a deep breath and told herself to stop. She was once again worrying about other people's business, or about useless things. She had come on this adventure relax, to give up her duties, responsibilities and sorrows, and here she was creating new ones all the time.

She decided walking was doing no good to her. She turned around and started her way back to the inn. She resolved to sleep well despite everything.

Last edited by Thinlómien; 11-08-2008 at 12:12 PM.
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