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Old 11-09-2006, 04:18 PM   #23
Aiwendil
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Join Date: Mar 2001
Posts: 2,224
Aiwendil is a guest at the Prancing Pony.Aiwendil is a guest at the Prancing Pony.
I'm afraid "seek"/"indeed" is not a close enough rhyme. I will continue to look for a better rhyme - though at worst, I think the 'triple peak' line could suffice.

As for "you swore" versus "is your oath" - the only problem is that with "you swore" the line doesn't scan quite right. We could make it:

Quote:
you swore. And this that we now seek
. . . which I suppose might be preferable to my line as it stays closer to the text.

"Feanor's sons" vs. "sons of Feanor": I think that if we go with the latter, we need the definite article:

Quote:
the sons of Feanor, and to other care
But I'm not convinced that this scans better than 'Feanor's sons'.
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