The Barrow-Downs Discussion Forum - View Single Post - The Return of the Entish Beings (RPG)

Kuruharan · 05-10-2007, 07:58 PM

“Merisuwyniel returns to Muddled-Mirth,” said Denimthor.

The two of them had retired quietly to Chrysophylax’s study after the author had utterly failed to think of a clever and amusing way to get Denimthor out of his choral conundrum. Denimthor is now attempting to persuade Chrysophylax to assist him in preventing the Return of the Entish Beings. Let’s watch.

“Merisuwyniel is coming back!” cried Chrysophylax. “How glorious! We can have a reunion! I’ll host, I’ll be the entertainment, I’ll charge outrageous prices…”

This was not the reaction Denimthor was hoping for at all! Clearly he would have to adopt a different tactic.

“But think about it,” he said, “you know what they are like, no horde in the history of barbarity has ever been more destructive!”

“I know,” said Chrysophylax smugly.

“But you are part of the establishment now,” returned Denimthor. “You have a lot to lose.”

“Oh surely they have reformed a bit now,” said Chrysophylax, for the first time slightly nervous.

“They’ve blown up one island already,” said Denimthor. “Nobody is safe from them.”

“I’m probably safe from them,” said Chrysophylax hesitantly. “They wouldn’t want to destroy my casino…”

“That probably makes it worse,” said Denimthor. He had saved his most potent weapon for last and he prepared to…

“Hey,” shouted Denimthor. “Annoying narrator person!! This is our scene, get out!!!!”

“Well! Of all the nerve!” Footsteps came form somewhere off camera and stomped off into the distance.

“As I was saying,” said Denimthor, “if your casino goes, there goes your singing career!”

“MY SINGING CAREER!!!” wailed Chrysophylax. “These fiends must be stopped!”

“What do you suggest?” asked Denimthor.

Chrysophylax was silent for a moment.

“Yesss…” he said to himself, “he might help us…”

“He who?” asked Denimthor.

“Oh…someone,” said Chrysophylax evasively.

He went over to a small box sitting on a table and pressed some knobs on the box. The box emit a single endless tone until Chrysophylax pressed some more knobs.

A frightful non-Euclidian voice suddenly spoke from the box.

“You must pass a Sanity (-5) Check to complete your call.”

“What?!” said Chrysophylax. “I didn’t get an upkeep phase!”

“Irrelevant,” said the slimy voice. “What is your sanity score?”

“Ummm…just a minute,” said Chrysophylax. The dragon pulled out a little card with some markers on it. He winced and cast a hasty glance at the black box.

“I hope you are not thinking about cheating and moving your sanity score up right before the test…” said the anti-parallel voice menacingly.

“Of course not! How dare you impugn my honor like that!” cried Chrysophylax, as he slipped the marker on his sanity score from 1 to 6. “My sanity score is 6.”

“Hmmm…” warbled the voice, “a –5 check means you get one die (har, har). Transmitting…”

“Just a minute,” said Chrysophylax, “I have some clue tokens left over from my last quest. I’d like to turn those in for more dice.”

There was the sound of frustrated muttering from the box. “How many,” said the voice.

Chrysophylax pulled out a little bag and emptied some of the contents into his claw. It was a few round objects with what appeared to be a magnifying glass pictured on them. The dragon stared at them for a moment, and then dumped the rest of the contents of the bag on the floor.

“Two-hundred and eight,” he announced.

“What is going on?!” demanded Denimthor.

“Hush up!” said Chrysophylax.

“Transmitting,” squealed the voice.

In a flash of malodorous green smoke all the clue tokens vanished to be replaced by an equal number of decidedly non-Euclidian dice.

“The by-laws specify that each die must be cast separately,” squiggled the voice (and if you don’t understand how a voice can squiggle, you are undoubtedly one of those people who would instantly go insane just hearing it).

“But the show will be over by then!” protested Chrysophylax.

“What show?” asked Denimthor.

“Then I suggest that you get busy…” said the voice, “and only the person asking the question can throw the dice.”

Chrysophylax turned to Denimthor. “This isn’t really a problem. We only have to get a five or a six and I pass this test.”

That said he started to roll the dice…and embarked upon one of the longest losing streaks in the history of the world. Whether it was due to bad luck, the non-Euclidian design, or the simple fact that the dice were loaded, Chrysophylax rolled an interrupted string of 1s and 2s. After the twentieth cast he started foaming at the mouth a little, after the fiftieth cast he started giggling slightly, after the seventy-fifth cast he started looking nervously around and whispering to himself and after the hundredth cast he began running about the room screaming that the pregnant llama-people were about to get him. The voice inside the box chortled and cackled and the box itself emit a green ooze. Chrysophylax began tossing the dice violently against the wall and yelling something about pokka-dot spiders (still coming up 1s and 2s). Tentacles sprang from the box and began groping about the room.

“Umm…excuse me,” said Denimthor in the middle of the chaos…right before a tentacle seized him and brought him to the floor. As he rolled across the room wrestling with his squishy antagonist, Chrysophylax was trying to eat the sofa cushions while hopping on his head and tossing the dice at the same time. Luckily (or not depending on what happens later) his 208th toss went flying off the wall and stuck to one of the flailing tentacles…showing the number 5.

*WWWAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH* went the box.

Suddenly, the tentacles vanished as if they had never been…except for the goo that was clinging to everything.

“Most irregular,” muttered Denimthor as he tried to rise from the floor, to find that he was stuck.

“Congratulations,” said the box, “your call has been completed successfully. Please stay on the line and your call will be on the show in the order it was received.”

“What is that thing?!” demanded Denimthor. “What line is it talking about and what show?”

“Uhhh…” said Chrysophylax, still standing on his head because the goo had stuck him to the floor. “You’ll see.”

They waited as the on-hold cacophony of screams and gibbers set them further on edge.

Suddenly from the box…

“From the furthest depths of the uncharted seas, in the sunken city of R’yleh, beneath the lives and minds of men, lies Cthulhu, mightiest of the Great Old Ones he rests in his death-like slumber awaiting the time when he shall again rise and feast on the souls of Man. Until that time when the stars are aligned and he breaks his sleeping seal Cthulhu comes to the minds of Men and answers their calls…It’s time once again for…Calls…for…Cthulhu!!!!”

*wild applause*

”THANK YOU PUNY MORTALS!!! IT IS I, CTHULHU, HERE TO ANSWER YOUR FLEETING CONCERNS AND MEANINGLESS DRIVEL!! I WARN YOU, I’M IN A BAD MOOD TODAY!! MY PET SHOGGOTH TRIED TO EAT MY SLKDJIFONENPHY THIS MORNING. I HAD TO DNF’NIDNSSIE HIS MFINFNNBYB’YBE TO RCZXSWQKLM HIM INTO TCKKJW’QIDP!!! HA-HA!! PUNY MORTALS, AS IF YOU, IN YOUR BOTTOMLESS STUPIDITY AND INADEQUACY, HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT THAT MEANT!! FOR ALL YOU KNOW I WAS JUST DISPLAYING MY SUPERIORITY BY CORRECTLY PRONOUNCING WORDS WITH PRACTICALLY NO VOWELS!!

LET’S GET SOME CALLS!!”

“Your on scaly!” hissed the box.

“Uhh…hi,” said Chrysophylax. “I was calling because I have a bunch of…errr…former friends coming by who have a bad habit of destroying everything they come into contact with. I have a burgeoning singing career and a little kingdom all my own. I’m really trying to make something of myself! Do you have any suggestions about how to keep them away?”

“CALLER, THAT IS AN EXCELLENT QUESTION! I’D LIKE TO ANSWER IT BY SAYING…

I WILL SWALLOW YOUR SOUL!!!!!! YOUR MEASLY ATTEMPTS TO CLING TO YOUR POWER ARE AS NOTHING COMPARED TO MY INFINITE MIGHT!!!! THE RAVAGES CAUSED BY THE RETURN OF THE ENTISH BEINGS WILL ONLY SERVE TO HASTEN THE DAY WHEN I SHALL BREAK FORTH FROM MY PRISON AND DESTROY THE WORLD IN AN UNSPEAKABLE FIT OF MADNESS!!!!

…BUT, WITH THAT SAID…WHY DON’T YOU JUST HIRE SOME GUARDS OR SOMETHING?”

“I have guards, but guards have never stopped them,” said Chrysophylax. “I was sort of hoping that you might be able to…”

“HA!!”

BELIEVE ME, IF I WERE FREE YOU WOULDN’T BE HAVING THIS PROBLEM…YOU’D HAVE A TON OF OTHERS!

*dial tone*

05-10-2007, 07:58 PM	#23
Kuruharan Regal Dwarven Shade Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: A Remote Dwarven Hold Posts: 3,685	“Merisuwyniel returns to Muddled-Mirth,” said Denimthor. The two of them had retired quietly to Chrysophylax’s study after the author had utterly failed to think of a clever and amusing way to get Denimthor out of his choral conundrum. Denimthor is now attempting to persuade Chrysophylax to assist him in preventing the Return of the Entish Beings. Let’s watch. “Merisuwyniel is coming back!” cried Chrysophylax. “How glorious! We can have a reunion! I’ll host, I’ll be the entertainment, I’ll charge outrageous prices…” This was not the reaction Denimthor was hoping for at all! Clearly he would have to adopt a different tactic. “But think about it,” he said, “you know what they are like, no horde in the history of barbarity has ever been more destructive!” “I know,” said Chrysophylax smugly. “But you are part of the establishment now,” returned Denimthor. “You have a lot to lose.” “Oh surely they have reformed a bit now,” said Chrysophylax, for the first time slightly nervous. “They’ve blown up one island already,” said Denimthor. “Nobody is safe from them.” “I’m probably safe from them,” said Chrysophylax hesitantly. “They wouldn’t want to destroy my casino…” “That probably makes it worse,” said Denimthor. He had saved his most potent weapon for last and he prepared to… “Hey,” shouted Denimthor. “Annoying narrator person!! This is our scene, get out!!!!” “Well! Of all the nerve!” Footsteps came form somewhere off camera and stomped off into the distance. “As I was saying,” said Denimthor, “if your casino goes, there goes your singing career!” “MY SINGING CAREER!!!” wailed Chrysophylax. “These fiends must be stopped!” “What do you suggest?” asked Denimthor. Chrysophylax was silent for a moment. “Yesss…” he said to himself, “he might help us…” “He who?” asked Denimthor. “Oh…someone,” said Chrysophylax evasively. He went over to a small box sitting on a table and pressed some knobs on the box. The box emit a single endless tone until Chrysophylax pressed some more knobs. A frightful non-Euclidian voice suddenly spoke from the box. “You must pass a Sanity (-5) Check to complete your call.” “What?!” said Chrysophylax. “I didn’t get an upkeep phase!” “Irrelevant,” said the slimy voice. “What is your sanity score?” “Ummm…just a minute,” said Chrysophylax. The dragon pulled out a little card with some markers on it. He winced and cast a hasty glance at the black box. “I hope you are not thinking about cheating and moving your sanity score up right before the test…” said the anti-parallel voice menacingly. “Of course not! How dare you impugn my honor like that!” cried Chrysophylax, as he slipped the marker on his sanity score from 1 to 6. “My sanity score is 6.” “Hmmm…” warbled the voice, “a –5 check means you get one die (har, har). Transmitting…” “Just a minute,” said Chrysophylax, “I have some clue tokens left over from my last quest. I’d like to turn those in for more dice.” There was the sound of frustrated muttering from the box. “How many,” said the voice. Chrysophylax pulled out a little bag and emptied some of the contents into his claw. It was a few round objects with what appeared to be a magnifying glass pictured on them. The dragon stared at them for a moment, and then dumped the rest of the contents of the bag on the floor. “Two-hundred and eight,” he announced. “What is going on?!” demanded Denimthor. “Hush up!” said Chrysophylax. “Transmitting,” squealed the voice. In a flash of malodorous green smoke all the clue tokens vanished to be replaced by an equal number of decidedly non-Euclidian dice. “The by-laws specify that each die must be cast separately,” squiggled the voice (and if you don’t understand how a voice can squiggle, you are undoubtedly one of those people who would instantly go insane just hearing it). “But the show will be over by then!” protested Chrysophylax. “What show?” asked Denimthor. “Then I suggest that you get busy…” said the voice, “and only the person asking the question can throw the dice.” Chrysophylax turned to Denimthor. “This isn’t really a problem. We only have to get a five or a six and I pass this test.” That said he started to roll the dice…and embarked upon one of the longest losing streaks in the history of the world. Whether it was due to bad luck, the non-Euclidian design, or the simple fact that the dice were loaded, Chrysophylax rolled an interrupted string of 1s and 2s. After the twentieth cast he started foaming at the mouth a little, after the fiftieth cast he started giggling slightly, after the seventy-fifth cast he started looking nervously around and whispering to himself and after the hundredth cast he began running about the room screaming that the pregnant llama-people were about to get him. The voice inside the box chortled and cackled and the box itself emit a green ooze. Chrysophylax began tossing the dice violently against the wall and yelling something about pokka-dot spiders (still coming up 1s and 2s). Tentacles sprang from the box and began groping about the room. “Umm…excuse me,” said Denimthor in the middle of the chaos…right before a tentacle seized him and brought him to the floor. As he rolled across the room wrestling with his squishy antagonist, Chrysophylax was trying to eat the sofa cushions while hopping on his head and tossing the dice at the same time. Luckily (or not depending on what happens later) his 208th toss went flying off the wall and stuck to one of the flailing tentacles…showing the number 5. *WWWAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH* went the box. Suddenly, the tentacles vanished as if they had never been…except for the goo that was clinging to everything. “Most irregular,” muttered Denimthor as he tried to rise from the floor, to find that he was stuck. “Congratulations,” said the box, “your call has been completed successfully. Please stay on the line and your call will be on the show in the order it was received.” “What is that thing?!” demanded Denimthor. “What line is it talking about and what show?” “Uhhh…” said Chrysophylax, still standing on his head because the goo had stuck him to the floor. “You’ll see.” They waited as the on-hold cacophony of screams and gibbers set them further on edge. Suddenly from the box… “From the furthest depths of the uncharted seas, in the sunken city of R’yleh, beneath the lives and minds of men, lies Cthulhu, mightiest of the Great Old Ones he rests in his death-like slumber awaiting the time when he shall again rise and feast on the souls of Man. Until that time when the stars are aligned and he breaks his sleeping seal Cthulhu comes to the minds of Men and answers their calls…It’s time once again for…Calls…for…Cthulhu!!!!” wild applause ”THANK YOU PUNY MORTALS!!! IT IS I, CTHULHU, HERE TO ANSWER YOUR FLEETING CONCERNS AND MEANINGLESS DRIVEL!! I WARN YOU, I’M IN A BAD MOOD TODAY!! MY PET SHOGGOTH TRIED TO EAT MY SLKDJIFONENPHY THIS MORNING. I HAD TO DNF’NIDNSSIE HIS MFINFNNBYB’YBE TO RCZXSWQKLM HIM INTO TCKKJW’QIDP!!! HA-HA!! PUNY MORTALS, AS IF YOU, IN YOUR BOTTOMLESS STUPIDITY AND INADEQUACY, HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT THAT MEANT!! FOR ALL YOU KNOW I WAS JUST DISPLAYING MY SUPERIORITY BY CORRECTLY PRONOUNCING WORDS WITH PRACTICALLY NO VOWELS!! LET’S GET SOME CALLS!!” “Your on scaly!” hissed the box. “Uhh…hi,” said Chrysophylax. “I was calling because I have a bunch of…errr…former friends coming by who have a bad habit of destroying everything they come into contact with. I have a burgeoning singing career and a little kingdom all my own. I’m really trying to make something of myself! Do you have any suggestions about how to keep them away?” “CALLER, THAT IS AN EXCELLENT QUESTION! I’D LIKE TO ANSWER IT BY SAYING… I WILL SWALLOW YOUR SOUL!!!!!! YOUR MEASLY ATTEMPTS TO CLING TO YOUR POWER ARE AS NOTHING COMPARED TO MY INFINITE MIGHT!!!! THE RAVAGES CAUSED BY THE RETURN OF THE ENTISH BEINGS WILL ONLY SERVE TO HASTEN THE DAY WHEN I SHALL BREAK FORTH FROM MY PRISON AND DESTROY THE WORLD IN AN UNSPEAKABLE FIT OF MADNESS!!!! …BUT, WITH THAT SAID…WHY DON’T YOU JUST HIRE SOME GUARDS OR SOMETHING?” “I have guards, but guards have never stopped them,” said Chrysophylax. “I was sort of hoping that you might be able to…” *“HA!!”* BELIEVE ME, IF I WERE FREE YOU WOULDN’T BE HAVING THIS PROBLEM…YOU’D HAVE A TON OF OTHERS! dial tone Last edited by Kuruharan; 05-11-2007 at 07:27 AM.