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Old 03-10-2003, 12:01 AM   #35
Maédhros
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Proposed Changes for the Ainulindalë:

{ } Material to be deleted.
Italics Material inserted for grammatical reasons or as editorial bridge.
Most of the enmendations are the work of Aiwendil.

The Music of the Ainur: This was made by Rúmil of Túna in the Elder Days. {It is here written as it was spoken in Eressëa to Ælfwine by Pengoloð the Sage.} To it are added the further words that Pengoloð {spoke} wrote {at that time} concerning the Valar, the Eldar and the Atani; of which more is said thereafter

{First he recited to him the Ainulindalë as Rúmil made it.}

§ 14:But {thou must understand, Ælfwine, that} when the Ainur had beheld this habitation in a vision and had seen the Children of Ilúvatar arise therein, then many of the most mighty of the Holy Ones bent all their thought and their desire towards that place.

I’m just following the Published Silmarillion here.

§14: Palúrien > Kementári by a pencilled change on LQ 2. This was as it were a casual change, not made in §15 (nor in §5). Kementári occurs in the Valaquenta (p. 202).

§ 15: Here the reading of D is "Halls of Aman", which was not corrected to "Ea" with the general change Aman>Ea. Christopher notes that this "was obviously an oversight". It should be corrected to "Halls of Ea".

§ 16: but the delight and pride of Aulë was] in the deed of making, and in the thing made, and neither in possession nor in his own mastery; wherefore he {gives}gave and {hoards}hoarded not, and was free from care, passing ever on to some new work.

Changing of the tenses of the verbs: gives to gave, hoards to hoarded and is to was.

§ 17: Christopher notes the omission of "Behold the towers and mansions of ice!" and says that it may have been inadvertant. We must decide whether to add this back in or not.
I would leave it out.

§ 21: And therefore {, Ælfwine, we name them} they are named the Valar, the Powers of the World.
Following the Published Silmarillion.

§ 25: But {think not, Ælfwine, that} the shapes wherein the Great Ones array themselves are not at all times like unto the shapes of kings and queens of the Children of Ilúvatar; for at whiles they may clothe them in their own thought, made visible in forms terrible and wonderful. {And I myself, long years agone, in the land of the Valar have seen Yavanna in the likeness of a Tree; and the beauty and majesty of that form could not be told in words, not unless all the things that grow in the earth, from the least unto the greatest, should sing in choir together, making unto their queen an offering of song to be laid before the throne of Ilúvatar.}

I regret losing the bit about Yavanna taking the form of a tree, but I can see no way to retain it that would not sound awkward.

§ 27: and of those tumults {we} the elves know but little; for {know thou, Ælfwine,} what {I have} has been declared {unto thee} is come from the Valar themselves, with whom {we of} the Eldalië spoke in the land of Valinor, and {we were} by whom they were instructed {by them}; but little would they ever tell of the days of war ere the coming of the Elves. But this {said Rúmil in the end of the Ainulindalë which I have recounted to thee} is told among the Eldar:

Here I mostly follow Christopher. Some of the changes might seem a little daring, but I think they are, at the worst, covered by the principle that allows us to use text created by Christopher Tolkien. If we end up removing the Pengolodh sections at the end, we may also want to remove this, as it is clear in Ainulindale D that these are the words of Pengolodh, not of Rumil. Or we might follow the '77, leaving this in, as emended, and assuming that these actually are Rumil's words.

§ 28: {But of all such matters, Ælfwine, others shall tell thee, or thou shalt read in other lore; for it is not my part at this time to instruct thee in the history of the Earth.} And now behold! here is the habitation of the Children of Ilúvatar established at the last in the deeps of Time and amidst the innumerable stars. And here are the Valar, the Powers of the World, contesting for the possession of the jewel of Ilúvatar{; and thus thy feet are on the beginning of the road.
Here are the words of Pengoloð to Ælfwine}

This eliminates only that which has no significance outside of the Pengolodh-Aelfwine framework. We might also go with Christopher Tolkien's emendation: "And thus was the habitation of the Children of Iluvatar established at the last in the Deeps of Time and amidst the innumerable stars."

§ 29: {And when he had ended the Ainulindalë, such as Rúmil had made it, Pengoloð the Sage paused a while; and Ælfwine said to him: Little, you say, would the Valar tell to the Eldar of the days before their coming: but do not the wise among you know more of those ancient wars than Rúmil has here set forth? Or will you not tell me more of the Valar as they were when first your kindred beheld and knew them?}

I can see no way to retain this.

§ 30: {And Pengoloð answered: Much of what I know or have learned from the elders in lore, I have written; and what I have written thou shalt read, if thou wilt, when thou hast learned better the tongue of the Noldor and their scripts. For these matters are too great and manifold to be spoken or to be taught in speech within the brief patience and heedfulness of those of mortal race. But some little more I may tell to thee now, since thou askest it of me.}

Again, I can think of no way (or reason) to retain this.

§ 31: {This tale I have heard also among the lore masters in ages past. For they tell us that} [T]he war began before Arda was full-shaped, and ere yet there was anything that grew or walked upon earth

If we decide to remove the Pengolodh material, this and the subsequent sections will be moved into "Of the Beginning of Days", as in the '77. Pengoloð material as per the vote will be kept.

§31b: Palúrien to Kementári.

§35: Palúrien to Kementári.

§ 36: And the {children} servants of Manwë and Varda {are} were {Fionwë Úrion their son} Eönwë{,} and Ilmarë {their daughter; and these were the eldest of the children of the Valar.} They dwelt with Manwë,

There is also the matter of tense here, which we may or may not want to address. I have taken the liberty of changing the are to were as to preserve tenses.
§[34]: {Now all is said to thee, Ælfwine, for this present, concerning the manner of the Earth and its rulers in the time before days and ere the world became such as the Children have known it. Of these thou hast not asked, but a little I will say and so make an end.}
This, I think, must be removed.

§ 40b: End of the Ainulindalë {spoken} written by Rúmil[.] {to Ælfwine}

I hope that it could be kept in this way.
Another alternative is: deleting the whole thing as Aiwendil proposed.

I would like for all project members to revise the changes and hopefully we can have a vote to finish the Ainulindalë section of our project. I will post this post in the bat cave too.

[img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]

[ March 10, 2003: Message edited by: Maédhros ]
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