[Aiwendil]

Comments up to NA-RG-18

NA-RG-01:

he knew not the NA-RG-01{Gnomes}[Noldor] of need delving

Way back in the original FoG thread, jallanite wrote:

Gnome/Gnomes to Elf/Elves or Noldo/Noldor. "Gnomes"; was dropped by Tolkien in LR and later writings, often replaced by Noldor. It would be better artistically to retain the original variation Gnome/Gnomes and Noldo/Noldoli which can be best done by replacing Gnome/Gnomes by Elf/Elves except where a general reference to Elves would not fit, as in "the Gnomes were exiles at heart, haunted with a desire for their ancient home that faded not." Then use Noldor.

This was our policy throughout FoG, and I think it was a good one. So I would replace "Gnomes" with "Elves" save where "Elves" would not fit or where "Gnomes" is needed for alliterative reasons (in which case, of course, "Noldor" will suffice).

But the present example is borderline on both counts. It is, of course, specifically the Noldor who are delving for Morgoth, not the Elves in general. But as the Noldor are Elves, the sentence remains correct (at least technically) with "Elves". And while "Gnomes" does alliterate here, it is the second stress in a "full" alliterative line; changing it to "Elves" would still leave a "simple" line, with "knew" alliterating with "need".

I guess that, considering the combined doubt of the two points, we had probably best use "Noldor" for this particular instance.

NA-RG-02:

who jewels and gems that rejoiced the NA-RG-02{Gods}[Great]

Do we have a precedent for the use of "Great" as a generic reference to the Valar (as opposed to its use as a reference to the Aratar)? If not, I'd rather simply use "Valar" here.

NA-RG-02.5:

'Twas NA-RG-02.5{a Gnome}[a Noldo] he beheld on the heaped needles

Here, however, we ought to use "Elf".

NA-RG-03:

NA-RG-03{Flinding}[Gwindor] go-{Fuilin}[Guilin] fleeing in anguish

Unless I'm quite mistaken, "go-" disappeared entirely as a patronymic prefix, though YO, YON- = "son" (its origin) does appear in the Etymologies. But Etymologies makes no reference to a patronymic prefix in this entry, as it surely would have had the prefix been retained.

We could of course use:

NA-RG-03{Flinding}[Gwindor] {go-} [son of] {Fuilin}[Guilin] fleeing in anguish

The other option would be to institute a general practice of replacing patronymic prefixes with the suffix -ion, which (I think) is valid in both Sindarin and Quenya.

But the bigger problem is that the name change robs the line of alliteration. We must either find a replacement for "fleeing" or for "anguish" that begins with "g". All I can think of at the moment is "grief":

NA-RG-03{Flinding}[Gwindor] {go-} [son of] {Fuilin}[Guilin] in grief fleeing

. . . which, however, does not quite preserve the meaning.

I suppose another option is to split "Gwindor" from "Guilin" somehow, e.g.:

NA-RG-03{Flinding}[Gwindor] fleeing, {go- Fuilin}[Guilin's son]

.

I'm not sure whether "Guilin's son" is a satisfactory half-line or not. It does at least have the requisite two stresses.

NA-SL-03:

the ancient tongue of the Elves of NA-SL-03{Tûn}[Thingol];

This loses the alliteration, but I suppose it's okay since we still have "ancient" with "Elves".

NA-TI-22: Findegil wrote:

It seems one of the passages were a reformation of the prose text into alliterative verses might be very nice.

I'm afraid I don't follow you here.

NA-RG-06:

and ye glorious NA-RG-06{Gods}[Greats]! How gleam their eyes,

Here I would just use "Valar", leaving simple alliteration between "glorious" and "gleam":

and ye glorious NA-RG-06{Gods}[Valar]! How gleam their eyes,

The extra syllable is not good, but I don't think it's a serious problem.

NA-RG-07:

of NA-RG-07{Flinding}[Gwindor] go-{Fuilin}[Guilin]? Shall {free}great-born NA-RG-07.5{Gnome}[Noldo] {900}

This line is problematic. There is not only the problem of alliteration but also the "go-", which here cannot, I think, simply be replaced by "son of". What about:

of NA-RG-07{Flinding go-Fuilin}[Guilin's son]? Shall Gwindor the free- born (Gnome}

NA-RG-08:

the renown of the NA-RG-08{Gnomes}[Noldor] of Nargothrond! '

I think we could make this "Elves", since we still have simple alliteration between "renown" and "Nargothrond". The extra syllable of "Noldor" makes the first half-line a bit unwieldy.

NA-RG-11:

'No noise I hear', the NA-RG-11 Gnome}[Noldo] answered,

Here, however, "Noldo" is needed for alliteration.

NA-SL-04:

of NA-SL-04{Gnomish lords}[Man and Elves] by night beleaguered {985}

Should be:

of NA-SL-04{Gnomish lords}[Men and Elves] by night beleaguered {985}

But I'm a bit doubtful about it. Surely there are no longer any Men or Elves living in Taur-nu- Fuin. I suppose, though, the line could be read as referring to abandoned dwellings.

NA-SL-05:

that NA-SL-05 {Blodrin Bor}had [Húrin]'s son to his bane {guided}hauled {990}

I may be wrong, but I don't think that simple alliteration of the form A X X A (where the Xs are non-alliterating stresses and the As are alliterating stresses) are allowed. Also, the Orc-band is not exactly hauling Turin to his bane, since in the event Turin survives. Perhaps:

that NA-SL-05 {Blodrin Bor}[Húrin]'s son {to his bane} {guided}had hauled in bonds {990}

{to}from the wood-marches, by the welded hosts

I don't follow this.

NA-RG-15:

'Follow me, NA-RG-15{Flinding}[Friend, dear], from the forest cursed!

I think this could just be:

'Follow me, NA-RG-15{Flinding}[friend], from the forest cursed!

NA-RG-15.5:

and NA-RG-15.5{Flinding}[the Friend] followed fearful after him {1030}

I'd rather simply use "Gwindor" and leave it with simple alliteration:

and NA-RG-15.5{Flinding}[Gwindor] followed fearful after him {1030}

NA-RG-17:

Then NA-RG-17{Flinding}[the Friend] fiercely, though fear shook him: {1105}

Here again I think we can use:

Then NA-RG-17{Flinding}[Gwindor] fiercely, though fear shook him: {1105}

NA-RG-18:

and NA-RG-18{Flinding}[the Friend] there laid his flickering lamp

If we do as I suggest and use "Gwindor" earlier instead of "Friend", the reference here will be unclear. So I would make it:

and NA-RG-18{Flinding}[his friend] there laid his flickering lamp