BL-EX-03: I am not adamant in using it. In my view it is a passage with further details worth the changes need to use it. But the case that Tolkien did not include it in the revision shades some doubts on it.
It would be good to have third voice in this, but if your doubts presists we can drop it.
BL-RG-09: What is then with: "of Manwë Lord of {Gods}[Eä]. Who calls"?
BL-RG-11.5: Alternativ:
Quote:
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{not}[no] might {of Gods}[on Earth], {not}[nor] moveless fate
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BL-SL-03: A simple alternativ is to drop the couple:
Quote:
So would they not that angry day
King Felagund their Lord obey{,
but sullen murmured that Finrod
nor yet his son were as a god}.
Then Felagund took off his crown
and at his feet he cast it down,
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BL-EX-09: Not that I would not take my own first suggestion, but my be it can be bettered:
Quote:
{One stopped and}[Edrahil then] lifted up {his}[the] crown,
and said: 'O king, to leave this town
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BL-RG-21: I am okay with "you" and the change from "him" to "you" as well. The only rhyming word that comes to my mind for Gorthaur is power, but to introduce that would be a massiv change.
BL-RG-22: Very good! The question if the "s" in names is possible is beyond my knowldge of english orthography. But I would drop it simply to be on the save said.
BL-RG-23: You are rightthe history of the name was Tavros > Tauros > Tauron. I will add that to the list of General changes.
BL-RG-24: Okay, I will take the "had" back in.
BL-RG-26,
BL-RG-27 &
BL-EX-03: Agreed.
BL-RG-30: I like your suggestion. The use of pursue is a bit out of the maenstream meaning, but for me it works.
BL-RG-32 &
BL-RG-33: Agreed.
BL-RG-34: Your feeling for the meter is much better then mine, so if you think the "and" can stand, I agree that it makes a beter gramatic for the sentence.
The issue of Saurons death:
I have to research this further. I remember dimly that this defeat was adress some were in a telling way, but as jet I cold not find it. In the moment my feeling is that Sauron was not killed and that therefore I would remove the cdead wolfish corpse.
Respectfully
Findegil