[Boromir88]

The D-League vs. The Dark Monarch

Volume 1, Issue 4: Fresh Recruits (Part II)

Deep breath Wild-eye. Deep breath. You're about half-way done, there is no way it can be any worse than the 1st half.

"Let's see...I believe next we have Mac?" A man burst his way up to the table. His skin was green and his face wrenched. "Umm...why are you green?"

"I'm just so furious right now. My skin changes to green when I get angry. Everyone here is really lame. I mean do some of these people really think they have superpowers?"

Wild-eye was the happiest he had been that day since first seeing the crowd of people who had shown up. "Finally! Someone here who isn't insane...I was beginning to question my own sanity. You're on the team, I've seen all that I need to...a man with strength, a man with an attitu-"

Mac collapsed on his knees and buried his head, in his hands, as he rested his elbows on the table.

"What in the name of all that is...-"

"I'm sorry...when I get...angry...I just" Mac was beginning to sniffle. "I get so...so...sad!" He was now on the ground, face down, fully broke down in tears.

"Someone please, just pick this guy up?" Wild-eye threw his hands up in the air.

~~

"I will!" exclaimed Brinn.

"No! You don't move." he quickly looked around to try and see if any one of these nutters would be able to get Mac off the ground. "Somebody...hey Form. Come get this guy here."

"I'm sorry, sir" said Form proudly. "I only save women in distress."

"WEEEEE! I will!" said a lady that Wild-eye had yet to meet. "I noticed you're going in alphabetical order. I'm Mira, I believe I'd be next on your list."

"Yes, yes you are. Ok, just help him to the breakfast tables and you can come back here to show me what you got."

"Yes, sir." Mira gave a salute. She went towards Mac, but before she got there Wild-eye heard loud *snores*coming from her. He looked, and she was fast asleep...just like that. He went back to his list, and missed the part next to Mira's name "Narcolepsy Girl." Why didn't you take note of that before! "morm, get up here."

~~

He was getting impatient. This was ridiculous, and now he wanted to get through the rest of the list as fast as possible. "Explain your abilities!"

"I am Athletes' Foot Man! I grow fungus on my feet...you want to see?"

"No. That is not even a power, that is just plain out disgusting."

"Ah, but have you ever known a man who's fungus is green, edible, and highly nutritious?" morm boasted

"Not until now. Next." Wild-eye had given up looking at his sheet, or calling anyone's name.

~~

".newreN si eman ym, iH"

"Next."

"?rewop ym ees ot tnaw uoy t'noD"

"No. Next."

".yawyna, lliks ruoy dnoyeb era seitiliba yM !eniF"

And you're getting beyond my patience. "Next."

~~

"Ooh thats me!" said a girl who was cackling wildy. "Hehe..isn't this just super fun! I'm Nessa."

"I fail to see anything funny about this."

"Well, today is your lucky day, because I have the power to make anyone lol!"

"Really? I doubt that."

"You shouldn't!" a sinister looking smile came across Nessa's face. Don't ask how he knew, but somehow Wild-eye knew he would regret having inquired more about Nessa's powers of laughter.

She jumped towards him, yelling "Tickle! Tickle! Tickle!" but Wild-eye was faster, because he was expecting something like this to happen. He quickly jumped to the other side of the table. Wild-eye made sure the table always stayed between them. "Back. Back!"

"You haven't witnessed the full extent of my power yet though?"

"I believe you. Really I do...now just back away."

To Wild-eye's surprise Nessa obliged, broke out in another cackle, and skipped towards the other heroes who had already gone through.

~~

Next was a girl, who was wearing nice-looking, glasses and carrying several books. Maybe this one's intelligent. I mean it wouldn't be an offensive weapon, or power, but having someone with brains would help. It'd be better than anyone else you've seen. However, he did not want to get his hopes up, as they had been shattered too many times today.

"I am Nienna" she said confidently.

So far so good. "Ok go on."

"I analyze things, er well actually people. It's-"

"Wait...you analyze people?" Wild-eye's voice grew interested.

"Yes. I analyze -"

"Are you good at what you do?"

"I think I am the best. See, what I do is-"

"Stop right there." Wild-eye interrupted. "Do you think you could tell me about this one dream I've been having. I can't see the people..."

"I'm sorry. I'm not sure I can help with dreams. See, what I do is I analyze people based on the frequency of certain words they use."

"That's just lovely." Just another person wasting your time Wild-eye...don't do it...don't say it. "The only words I seem to be using today are, next, and no. Analyze me."

"Well, by using next that tells me you are a really..."

"Ya great, I'm sure it's real fascinating. Next."

~~

"I am Studebaker Hawk!" said the next person in line. "and my name is Pitch."

At least this one's got a neat name. "Alright, tell me you power then."

"It would be easier if I just showed you." Pitch took out a large bottle of Aunt Jemimah's maple syrup from a pocket inside his trench coat. He began to squirt syrup all over his legs. "Come to me, my friends. Come to me. I call thee."

What must have been thousands of flies came appearing out of nowhere. They attached themselves to Studebaker's legs and began to lift off the ground. They carried him above the table, and soon near the top of the trees.

Wild-eye was at a loss for words...in what normally would have been, without question, the strangest thing he had ever witnessed in his life, was nothing compared to the rest of the things he went through today. Well he can fly...in a way? Now you're just reaching. The flies disappeared, and Pitch who had been above the treetops, came crashing back down to the ground. Go figure.

~~

"Rikae. Come on." He looked only a few people left.

"I would prefer to be called Doktor Von und Zum Quatsch." she said in a maniacal voice. "I am an evil genius!"

"You do know that I am actually in a battle against evil?"

"Yes, but butterflies are pure Evil and any one who is an enemy of the Butterfly, is a friend to me. I can help."

"Go on then." he said completely uninterested, just looking down to reaffirm this was almost over.

"I would be able to stun the butterfly with my amazing ability to turn the most reasonable statements into incomprehensible nonsense! The butterfly will be left in a state of confusement."

That's so crazy it might actually work...No you're just losing it

"Well thank you...Dr. Von under sum-thing."

"Doktor Von und Zum Quatsch and ultz ti fien glzayrpix"

Wild-eye sat and pondered whether if she had just given him a compliment, or if it was an insult, or if it was just a bunch of nonsense.

"Ahh see...that time that you took! You were completely stunned for a moment, but a moment is all it takes to die." she let out another maniacal laugh.

She's got a point you know.

~~

"Sally, you're next."

"Did you get that memo?"

"Was I supposed to get one?"

"Hehe. You're funny." she laughed "May the Schwartz be with you."

"Isn't that from Spaceballs?"

She nodded. "Something, something, something...dark side. Something, something, something...complete."

"Can you only say random quotes from different movies?"

"They do not see what lies ahead when sun has failed and moon is dead."

He was slightly interested to see how long sally could keep this going, but there were only two names left. That will be all."

"Inconcievable!" shouted sally. Wild-eye tried to suppress a laugh, but he had to admit this was pretty funny.

~~

A man clouded in darkness approached. "I am Shasta, but to you, I am Mr. E." his voice was ominous. Wild-eye didn't know if it was the shadows, or the voice, but he perked up now with considerably more interest.

"Mr. E. that is a terribly mysterious name."

"Yes."

"And no matter which way you turn, you are always in shadows."

"Yes."

He, didn't know what it was, but he was liking Mr. E. more and more. The quick, sharp answers, and his general presense. "What's your power?"

"You already discovered that." Shasta said blankly

"Huh?"

"I am always cast in shadows."

"Oh...well...I guess things have to be real gloomy for you?" Wild-eye making an attempt at a joke.

"Yes."

"Right then...thanks for your time. Last but not least...the phantom." Wild-eye was relieved at the sound of "last."

~~

An important looking man strode up to Wild-eye. He gripped his hand firmly and shook it. "I am the phantom."

Well, whatever he can do, he is strong and has a good grip...probably will be useful for something, even if it's to be canon fodder. "Your powers?"

"I am Candor man, please do not confuse me with Condor man. I must always speak the truth."

"That is a declining quality in the world. Ok, why have you come?"

"See, I could tell you that my most useful service I could be to you would be to serve as your counselor. For, I would never lead you astray. However, that would be a falsehood and that would kill me, for I did not come to be a counselor. I came because I figured there would be some hot super-hero chicks here."

"Fair enough." Wild-eye was mildly impressed by this man's candor.

"See any good ones?"

"Well, now it is time for me to tell you the truth. I put together this recruitment, because I need a team of super-heroes to stop a great evil."

"I see, that is a big problem for you."

"Yes, it is, and I'm sure you've seen this fabulous group of heroes I have to pick from. Whatever your reasons for coming here are mr. phantom, I quite like your candor and we are definitely in need of a strong arm. I mean you don't look like a man who would put on a dress."

"Eh...well to tell you the truth, sir, I actually have worn a dress before."

(to be continued...)