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Old 03-23-2003, 04:37 PM   #46
The Kinslayer
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I was going to post these changes earlier, but alas, I couldn't.
Antoine's changes:

Introduction: the addition of the phrase: the sage.
that Pengoloð the Sage {spoke} wrote
Agree with that one.

§ 16: change from {the Elves} to we.

§ 17: I would leave out the reference of:
{Behold the towers and mansion of ice!}
Because, it may have been an omision, but it is also likely that it is not. Since this was a change that was made in a later draft, I think that it should be gone.
A similar case was discussed when I proposed changing the Children of Ilúvatar to Men, because it too could have been an omision or mistake of JRRT, but it is also probable that it was not.
Since both are changes in later manuscripts, both should retain their later forms.

§ 25: Deletion of the word not:
Array themselves are {not} at all times ...
I would keep the not.

§ 25: Use of a note that is quoted by Pengoloð, so to remain Yavanna's tree description.
I definitely agree with that.

§ 27: Change of they to the Valar.
but little would {they} The Valar ever tell of the days of war ere the coming of the Elves..
Agree with that one.

§ 29: I'm ok with this but I would change the tense of the verb write to written.
But it can be {write} written more of the Valar as they were when...
I would exclude this part too:
{This tale {I have heard also among} /*have learned from*\ the lore masters [of the Noldor] in ages past. }

§ 36: I agree with this change. Inclusion of the word highest.
and these were the {eldest} highest of the {children} servants of the Valar.

§ [34]: Now all is said {to thee, Ælfwine, for this present,} concerning the manner of the Earth and its rulers in the time before days and ere the world became such as the Children have known it. {Of these thou hast not asked, but a little I will say and so make an end.}

§ 40b: Can you be more specific Antoine?

[ March 23, 2003: Message edited by: Maédhros ]

[ March 23, 2003: Message edited by: Maédhros ]
"Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him, Horatio; a fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy."
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