[Eomer of the Rohirrim]

Frodo: Sunshine, lollipops and rainbows!

Sam: Oh, I hate this place!

Frodo: Oh come on Sam! Cheer up! We'll be home before you know it

Sam: But you heard what Mr Gandalf said Frodo, we're likely to die while doing this task. Oh the humanity!

Frodo: No Sam, look ahead! We're almost there, you'll see!

Sam: I don't wanna

Frodo: Well Sam, if you're going to be grouchy then you can just wait here until I get back and we'll walk home then ok?

Sam: Really?

Frodo: I don't want you to do something you don't want to.

Sam: Oh Mr Frodo! Thank you sir! (runs away in glee)

Sam: Oh that lad!

*days later*

Gollum: Yesss precious, finally we gets it back don't we?

Frodo: Oh! Gollum, you scared me!

Gollum: Oh but we mustn't be scared in this land mustn't we precious? Yessss, must be cheerful and look ahead, yes, yess!

Frodo: Can the sweet talk Gollum, I've heard you speaking to Faramir's men and it's nothing like that

Gollum: Look, I was bored ok? It became a habit

Frodo: So what now?

Gollum: Ah, just get rid of the Ring, I don't care for it. You know the whole story was made up by Gandalf and Saruman to fool Sauron don't you?

Frodo: Yeah, pretty obvious really, who were G and Elrond trying to kid eh?

Gollum: Ha ha ha! Indeed!

Frodo: Well, so long Gollum

Gollum: Yeah, later Frodo. Hey, I'll give you a call when you get back ok? Come round to my place for some dinner. Bring Sam too, nice chap.