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Old 08-08-2003, 02:32 PM   #38
Spectre of Capitalism
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Join Date: May 2001
Location: Battling evil bureaucrats at Zeta Aquilae
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The paper came last to the hand of Gateskeeper, who though he could speak fluent troll yet trembled with fear as the others -- they feared the unknown, but Gateskeeper knew trolls all too well. Slow, stupid creatures, actively avoiding education of any kind. Their language was harsh and wild, gutteral in sound and uncouth both in grammar and manners. What they detested more than anything was seeing people enjoying themselves. Their greatest weapon, apart from the sheer insult of their language itself, was involving people in pointless arguments -- arguments which could prove fatal by the sheer frustration of trying to reason with ultimately unreasoning creatures.

He quickly translated the paper for the It-ship, who responded with yet more silence. All except Merisuwyniel. "I care about lame elves!! I treated lots of them back in Minus Teeth!!" she cried, spitting fragments of bacon and other foodstuffs in a manner worthy of Pimpiowyn.

There was only one way to render trolls powerless, and Gateskeeper knew it. (Well, there are two ways, but no one in the It-ship had the uber-magical symbol of '@' prefixing their names, so the other way was a non-starter.) No more grievous wound can be dealt to a troll than to continue having a good time in spite of their ridiculous assertions, specious arguments, and insinuations about your intelligence and ancestry.

Gateskeeper had his doubts that he could keep the various members of the It-ship from trying to engage the nefarious beast, or whether he should even try. After all, he thought to himself, if the trolls defeated the rest of the It-ship, the bow would be his for the taking, and he could circuit back to the Pea Sea and chip away at the Eunuchs until they were disconnected. Even as the thought crossed his mind, though, the burn mark of the Cloz'd-Dheal seared his hand anew, reminding him of his commitment to Mogul. He had to at least try.

No sooner had Gateskeeper come to this conclusion than the troll broke thru the trees partway down the Bacon Hill upon which they were standing. He was unnaturally tall and gaunt, wearing glasses with thick black rims and even thicker lenses. With a pasty white face of stony leather pockmarked with what appeared to be small volcanos, he strode up the hill bellowing his challenge, "I kn take U al, U elf luvn lamerz, I ROOL!"

At once Earnur and Orogarn had their swords out and began to advance (Earnur's sword complaining at levels that were nearly audible to the rest of the group). Gateskeeper leapt in front of them screaming, "You don't understand! Swords are no use here!" Earnur and Orogarn, responding in true hero fashion completely ignored Gateskeeper and ran around him to confront the beast. Vogonwe prepared to write down his versical impressions of the conflict from a safe distance, just in case the situation required a contest in poetry of power. Even Merisu nocked an arrow to the bowstring of the Entish Bow and advanced warily.

The fell troll wasted no time beginning to work the Gal-N-Fellowship. No weapon did he need, save the evil workings of his words. "Y dont U giv it up, U dum dwarfs. U kan't touch my 1337 5|<i11s! Go bak hom cryin 2 yer momz, lol! Ur mothr wuz a hamstr, nd ur fathr smelt of eldrberryz!" All the members of the It-ship stopped. No one had dared insult them in this fashion before.

[ August 17, 2003: Message edited by: Thenamir ]
The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane.
~~ Marcus Aurelius
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