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Old 06-21-2005, 10:19 AM   #97
Celuien
Riveting Ribbiter
 
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Join Date: May 2005
Location: Assigned to Mordor
Posts: 1,795
Celuien has just left Hobbiton.
Mordor Mailbag

On a date not too long ago, Celuien was convicted of 1) driving too fast, 2) possession of a mobile phone, and 3) watching crass reality TV programs. For said offenses, she was sent packing to the Land of Mordor. Fortunately, she has been able to maintain correspondence with her friends back home through the Mordor Postal Service (MPS)...

The Exiles' Inn, Mordor, 30 Forelithe, sometime in the Seventh Age

Dear ____,

Well, I still can’t quite understand how this whole thing happened, but here I am in Mordor (who knew Mordor really existed???). It’s just so unfair – is it really so bad that I tend to go a bit above the speed limit? After all, 40 mph (64 km/h) is slow for a four-lane road with a median and no stoplights. And I do turn off my phone when I’m in class or at concerts and movies. Except for that one time. Or was it twice? I don’t know why I need more punishment for watching Fear Factor. Just seeing the show was bad enough.

Mordor is hotter than Philadelphia in August, but fortunately it’s not nearly as humid. If you manage to send it, I could use some water ice, as the heat and dust are somewhat trying. At least no one has said,”Yo! How youse doin’?” since I’ve been here. “Youse” is bad enough in its proper dialectal use as the plural form of “you”, but it’s twice as bad when used in the singular as well. With my luck, someone will probably assign all users of annoying non-standard words to Mordor.

There’s not much going on here. Since it seems that all calculus exams have been sent to Mordor with me, I’ve been able to go back over my favorite indeterminate forms and work on calculating functions for particles in one-dimensional boxes. Life really isn’t too bad. The main problem is keeping away from all of these orcs. I’ll have to work out a method of confining them to a box, preferably one-dimensional.

That’s about all. I’d better head off to fill in the holes I was digging earlier when I tried to get a tater garden started. Some of my fellow Mordor assignees tripped over the new pits that I made and were somewhat unhappy about their consequent twisted ankles.

Until we meet again,
Celuien
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