Replies up to BL-EX-10 for now:
BL-EX-03: Yes, I think I must have parsed the editing wrong when I wrote that it added a non-rhyming line.
The problem with your suggestion, which would have us use the 'fare' here as a verb rather than a noun, is that we'd have to render it in the past tense ('fared') and thus lose the rhyme. I suppose one could resort to a metrical 'did' to preserve the rhyme:
Quote:
BL-EX-03 <Lay; old Version BL-EX-04 Then {all his}[on a] journey{'s lonely}did he fare,
BL-EX-05 {the}[of] hunger and {the}[of] haggard care,
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But of course it's best to avoid metrical 'did' whenever we can. Therefore I'm still tempted to just delete these two lines.
BL-RG-00.5: I don't think the comma is needed there, but it's a small point, and if you prefer it we can keep it.
BL-EX-06: I'd still rather delete these lines, to be honest. Part of it is just that 'like a cloud' seems to me to be a very apt turn of phrase for describing the horrors
fading from his mind, but not so much for the horrors being on his mind currently. Beyond that, I don't think it's so easy to eliminate the retrospective character of lines 608-611. Your suggestion to change 'all was stilled' to 'yet unstilled' works fine, but I don't think your lines 608 and 609 work.
BL-RG-08.5: Using 'Noldor' rather disrupts the metre of line 1834, and I'm afraid the rhyme of 'alone' with 'home' doesn't quite work for me. But I agree it would be nice to keep these lines. I'll think about it and see if I can come up with anything.
BL-RG-11.7: You're right that my proposed line 1883 has an extra foot. I think we can edit this more minimally, though:
Quote:
The wars and wandering BL-RG-11.7{of the Gnomes}[that them befell]
this tale {tells not. Far from their homes}has not the space to tell;
{they}They fought and laboured in the North.
Fingon daring alone went forth
and sought for {Maidros}[Maedron] where he hung;
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BL-EX-10: Remember, there is no strict requirement for eight syllables per line. Rather, it's four feet per line; each foot prototypically has two syllables, but an unstressed syllable can be left out or added as long as it doesn't significantly disrupt the rhythm of the four stresses. I suggest this:
Quote:
BL-EX-10 <GA But Finrod spoke ere he bade farewell:
'{But this}This I {will }say to{ you, Celegorn}[Celegorm] the fell,
by {the}sight that is given me in this hour, [2160]
{that}by neither {thou}thine nor any power
{son of Fëanor}shall thy kin their jewels regain {the Silmarils ever unto world's end}
before the End; all in vain[/u]
you swore. And this that we now seek
shall come indeed 'neath the triple peak, [2165]
but never to your hands shall fall.
Nay, your oath shall devour {you}all
Fëanor's sons, and{ deliver} to other {keeping} care
Lúthien’s great{the} bride-price {of Lúthien}bear.'>
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