Predictions about The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug

[Thinlómien]

So while we were on the bus coming home tonight, Agan and I started talking about the next Hobbit movie. We agreed that the Unexpected Journey's storyline followed that of the Fellowship of the Ring, so we started wondering if The Desolation of Smaug will be like the Two Towers. We started making stupid jokes and silly predictions of ridiculous rip-offs and then we realised we might actually not be very far off. And that's why we wanted to make this thread:

What silly/ridiculous/ludicrous déjà vu moments will we have when watching The Desolation of Smaug?

Let me start with these three:

1. The battle of Dol Guldur aka the Battle of Helm's Deep. An unexpected group of Elves will arrive in the darkest moment. Their leader is a prince who is disobeying his uncle - wait FATHER! - who doesn't want to meddle in the good guys' cause because he doesn't want to risk his people.

2. Dol Guldur aka Isengard will be washed with the water of the Mirkwood River that finally can run free!

3. Thorin aka Aragorn will fake die... oops, that already happened in the first movie! But I wouldn't really put it past Peter Jackson that when Thorin emerges from the river (in a barrel) he's half dead and will be lovingly woken up by Bilbo aka horse. At least I hope there's not going to be any Elf lady waving her pretty white fingers to make him awake.

Give me more!


edit: There's actually proof about the barrels, I seriously hope PJ doesn't botch it!

[Lalwendë]

Beorn standing on the Carrock with long blonde hair flowing and looking wistful?

[Legate of Amon Lanc]

Originally Posted by Thinlómien

1. The battle of Dol Guldur aka the Battle of Helm's Deep. An unexpected group of Elves will arrive in the darkest moment. Their leader is a prince who is disobeying his uncle - wait FATHER! - who doesn't want to meddle in the good guys' cause because he doesn't want to risk his people.

I wouldn't be surprised. Or basically, there could also simply be the battle of Dol Guldur involving the Elven prince who then, for example in the aftermath, is being talked to by Gandalf, and Gandalf ends the dialogue with blessing the Elven prince and kindly asking him to intervene and try to work a bit on his father's stubborn heart. Which the prince will take heed of and thus, in the third movie, the father's pride and hate for Dwarves will turn, in the important point of the battle, and he will command his hosts to help the Dwarves... but that's already jumping too far into the future.

In any case, Gandalf will emerge from the dialogue with looking at the leaving prince, muttering to himself "this lad is brave and has a good heart. He might have a role to play in the future."

At least I hope there's not going to be any Elf lady waving her pretty white fingers to make him awake.

Of course not. There won't be any Elf ladies in Dale. However, speaking of Elven ladies, I can pretty well imagine Bilbo sort of drooling after some random Elven girl who, what, cleans the stables, or whatever she is doing there, and will end up somehow conflicted between actually staying with the Elves and staying with his friends. Okay, that is maybe really a bit over the top (though I think, in all seriousness, some sort of "moral conflict" like that could appear there, only perhaps, and hopefully, not in relation to an Elven girl who randomly happens to discover invisible Bilbo, later befriends him, and he sort of misuses her friendship to e.g. steal the keys to make their escape, and he will have a bit of moral dilemma over it...).

P.S. Oh, and one more short thing. Pretty sure about this one. After the battle with the spiders, the Dwarves are in a merry mood: "Ho, ho! Look at this! We have defeated the spiders! Not to speaking of our magnificent burglar, we're a bunch of Dwarves who are armed to the teeth and can fight any danger!" "And are breathing so loud that we could shoot you all where you stand," says a beautiful blonde elf appearing from behind a tree.

[Aganzir]

Originally Posted by Thinlómien

1. The battle of Dol Guldur aka the Battle of Helm's Deep. An unexpected group of Elves will arrive in the darkest moment. Their leader is a prince who is disobeying his uncle - wait FATHER! - who doesn't want to meddle in the good guys' cause because he doesn't want to risk his people.

Before that we'll get the Lórien Elves (whom nobody expected) though.

Also the dwarves get separated in Mirkwood. There will be one group with lines such as "Mr Thorin! We're going in circles!" and another that is about to get eaten but escapes and is rescued by Radagast (or something), and in one Kili climbs a tree and points out that a red sun is rising.

[Thinlómien]

Originally Posted by Legate of Amon Lanc

In any case, Gandalf will emerge from the dialogue with looking at the leaving prince, muttering to himself "this lad is brave and has a good heart. He might have a role to play in the future."

If they make ANY prophetic reference to the LotR movies in any of the Hobbit movies whatsoever, I will facepalm as much as I did with Sebastian.

[Thinlómien]

Legolas is going to teach Bard to shoot or vice versa




PS. Note also the sideburns and Orlando's creepy eyes.

[Morsul the Dark]

The elves with Dol Guldor, it never really mentions how they drive Sauron out of the place so the elves might have a role to play especially since the fortress is in their forest.

[Mänwe]

Originally Posted by Thinlómien

1. The battle of Dol Guldur aka the Battle of Helm's Deep. An unexpected group of Elves will arrive in the darkest moment. Their leader is a prince who is disobeying his uncle - wait FATHER! - who doesn't want to meddle in the good guys' cause because he doesn't want to risk his people.

Oh yes, those battlements look perfect for shield surfing.

[Mithalwen]

That is Bard? Why on earth did the give him a mullett..... aieeee......

[Galadriel55]

Bard's hair being more filthy and unwashed than Aragorn's.

[Boromir88]

Originally Posted by Thinlómien

1. The battle of Dol Guldur aka the Battle of Helm's Deep. An unexpected group of Elves will arrive in the darkest moment. Their leader is a prince who is disobeying his uncle - wait FATHER! - who doesn't want to meddle in the good guys' cause because he doesn't want to risk his people.

Seeing how Jackson did not get his way in having Arwen be at the hyped up Helm's Deep battle sequence...It will actually be Elf Warrior-Princess Tauriel, not approving of Uncle Thranduil's dislike of dwarves (since she has a forbidden romance with Kili), who shows up at the Battle of Dol Guldur to display her sword-wielding skills.

Thus, we do get a recycled Two Towers sequence, but it was cut because of head scratching "Arwen was not at Helm's Deep" protest. No one can protest a disobedient elven foster-daughter princess was not at the Battle of Dol Guldur!

[Glorthelion]

I have a feeling the White Council might reappear because Saruman was going to aid the council for the last time and drive Sauron out of Dol Guldur.

[Rikae]

Dwarves will step in bear crap walking out of Beorn's house after spending the night there. Better yet, they will fall face first in it.

Bilbo will knock a fat spider out of a tree only to have it land on top of him. Cue the laugh track.

An orc pursued by Beorn will run off of a cliff, do a double take, and then fall - Wile E. Coyote style.

Kili will skateboard on a tree, or a barrel, or a spider, or something even more ridiculous.

[Lalwendë]

Originally Posted by Boromir88

Seeing how Jackson did not get his way in having Arwen be at the hyped up Helm's Deep battle sequence...It will actually be Elf Warrior-Princess Tauriel, not approving of Uncle Thranduil's dislike of dwarves (since she has a forbidden romance with Kili), who shows up at the Battle of Dol Guldur to display her sword-wielding skills.

Thus, we do get a recycled Two Towers sequence, but it was cut because of head scratching "Arwen was not at Helm's Deep" protest. No one can protest a disobedient elven foster-daughter princess was not at the Battle of Dol Guldur!

There's actually a very strong rumour that Tauriel is being cut from the films as collectors of the action figures have noticed that her 'figure' is only available in short supply and is not being packaged with ongoing merchandise that's coming out. There's a Lego minifig of her in the Mirkwood Spiders set (along with Legolas, Fili and Kili), which suggests they were going to have her and Legolas involved in rescuing the Dwarves, but that doesn't mean she's staying in the final cut as Lego toys have a very long development period.

[William Cloud Hicklin]

Unfortunately, that picture of Bard and Legolas on set and in costume is a pretty clear indication that Leggy will get shoehorned into the Battle of Five Armies.

[Morthoron]

I expect a dinosaur stampede led by Jack Black as Thorin's sister, Dis.

[Tuor in Gondolin]

Originally posted by Rikae
An orc pursued by Beorn will run off of a cliff, do a double take, and then fall - Wile E. Coyote style.

This is true, but you forgot the PJ and Boyen inclusion of
the orc holding up a sign saying: "Oops. Which way to Barad-dur"
after being handed an anvil by Beorn.

[cellurdur]

Originally Posted by William Cloud Hicklin

Unfortunately, that picture of Bard and Legolas on set and in costume is a pretty clear indication that Leggy will get shoehorned into the Battle of Five Armies.

I am against change just for the sake of change, but what is the problem of having Legolas at the battle of five armies? Yes he was not specifically mentioned to be there in the book, but there was a good chance he was there. I mean there is a precedent of Elf kings going to war with their heirs. So why not use this as a chance to reintroduce a character we know well from the LOTR.

I am all for Legolas playing a big role in the story and being at Thranduil's side.

[Nerwen]

Originally Posted by cellurdur

I am against change just for the sake of change, but what is the problem of having Legolas at the battle of five armies? Yes he was not specifically mentioned to be there in the book, but there was a good chance he was there. I mean there is a precedent of Elf kings going to war with their heirs. So why not use this as a chance to reintroduce a character we know well from the LOTR.

I am all for Legolas playing a big role in the story and being at Thranduil's side.

cellurdur, I *suspect* this thread is not meant to be entirely serious.

[Mithalwen]

Originally Posted by Galadriel55

Bard's hair being more filthy and unwashed than Aragorn's.

And yet he manages to shave his facial hair into that peculiar arrangement...

[Celuien]

There haven't been any dwarf-tossing jokes yet... but they'll have a chance to add some while tossing ropes to catch the boat in Mirkwood.

Peter Jackson will add an epic battle scene in which the Elves attack the spiders, giving Legolas a chance to show his archery skills while climbing on a spider's back.

[Lalwendë]

In homage to those who still use the word attercop, all the spiders in Mirkwood will be voiced by famous Lancastrians such as Peter Kay, Christopher Eccleston, Mark E Smith, Maxine Peake and Jane Horrocks. The webs will be made of Man U scarves and their poison of old Greenhalgh's mild left over from the 1972 Preston Guild. The company will escape by cunningly claiming to be Yorkshiremen, at which point the attercops will chase them off in disgust.

Bilbo is also going to ride a spider while Stan Lee appears in a cameo as a elf.

[cellurdur]

Originally Posted by Nerwen

cellurdur, I *suspect* this thread is not meant to be entirely serious.

LoL. Perhaps I should have paid more attention to all the post. Though I have seen genuine complaints about Legolas being so prominent before.

[TheGreatElvenWarrior]

That's Bard? He looks like Orlando Bloom's character from Pirates of the Caribbean or Inigo Montoya. I always pictured him as more Aragorn and less pirate.

[Rhod the Red]

Just as long as Smaug isn't portrayed as stupid when Bilbo tries to riddle the conversation with him. He was confused because of unfamiliarity with Hobbit smell. We don't need a "What? What's that supposed to mean?" moment

[Lalaith]

Back in the 1970s, there were a crop of one-hit-wonder bands called things like Chicory Tip and Golden Earring.
We have a quiz show in the UK called Never Mind the Buzzcocks where random members of such bands from yesteryear join a line-up of suspects and the quiz panelists have to guess who is the real band member.

Bard the Bowman looks like he's stepped out of one of those line-ups.

[Kath]

Woah that picture of Bard! For a moment I genuinely thought Orlando Bloom was playing both characters!