If Lord of the Rings was a soap opera...

[Evisse the Blue]

This idea began after an acquaintance of mine who delights in melodramatic tales finally read LOTR and afterwards told me that she didn't like it. Her reason: The characters did not show their suffering, their inner conflicts, etc. Another reason: Aragorn did not 'sacrifice' himself in front of the Black Gate, like she thought that he would do. Far from me to start an intellectual debate on this point. Instead, I laughed merrily and along with my sister and a few of her friends started imagining what would it be like if LOTR was written like a soap opera or a melodrama...

We came up with funny stuff, like: the teary departure (occupying at least 3 chapters) of Aragorn and Arwen at Rivendell, or the messenger from Gondor who brought the Red Arrow debating with himself for a couple of paragraphs about whether or not he should bring such dreadful news to the riders of Rohan...

I'll leave it to you to come up with more, and more detailed than that...Let your morbid imagination run free and let's poke fun at the soap fans... ( if you're one, don't feel offended, join in to bring some fresh material. )

[Beanamir of Gondor]

Well, first off, Faramir and Denethor would get into a screaming, hair-pulling fight, in which Denethor would begin to weep, and then start throwing tearful insults at Faramir. "You're such a disappointment as a son!" Then Faramir would get all mad ("Well you're a failure as a father figure!") and start crying again, and fall on the floor... Then Gandalf would jump in and tell off Denethor, and Denny would run off into his chambers crying. "That wizard is so mean!" Then Pippin would follow Faramir out and they would have a nice heart-to-heart talk about Boromir (Faramir would cry again), and then Faramir would have a noble moment and go off and get shot.
Everything after that is just like it happened in the movie. Boo hoo.

[THE Ka]

Ah, this will be much fun!

Ok... I'll introduce what we're looking at, through our "soapopera special viewing glasses" (If you don't wear them you can't see the difference!)i am not responsible for any sudden burst of tears and the lack tissue boxes and bon bon's around.

*Slips cheap-looking glasses on reader...

Denethor: A single father, formaly a drunkard who drowns the memory of his wife's death in booze... or to loose enough brain cells to not care. Also is Bi-Polar and doesn't like to take his pills, with deadly mood-swings which only happen when Faramir is around.

Aragorn: A single humble man with a true destiny...and a spare tissue box. Wishes to win the girl of his dreams but, is confronted with her sheltering, nieve father... Little does he know he is the heir to a huge fortune, and a big fight.

Elrond: An over-protective father with dead-set ideas for his daughter's future. He inevidably is confronted with his worst nightmare: A wooing son-in-law who doesn't have the means to at least bring a cassirole to the dinner party. Also goes through a period of PMS when very nerious.

Arwen: the rich sheltered daughter who cannot understand her father's conditions set out for her. Find's the man of her dreams but, is left with a life conflict: immortality with daddy or mortal with her lover...

Frodo: A rich play-boy or otherwise aristrocrat. Loves to party especially with his uncle, while wishing for whatever comes next. Prone to inherit alot of trouble... and in-decision... Sometimes finds escape through Zoloft...

Gandalf: An old nosey fart on a mission to drive everyone mad, but to save the world of course. Known to know everyone's business. Finds relaxsation with a pipe... and maybe a fellowship here and there.

Legolas: A princely pretty-boy with nothing on his mind but looking better than others. He is forcefully thrown into a fellowship of stinky men, a Moldy Wizard, a rotten dwarf, and a spoil of hobbits who have no fashion sense whatsoever... Armed only with bows and cosmetics what will become of him and his hair?!

Gimli: A extroverted mountian fellow with a few things on his mind... and elf arrows in his butt. Supicious but also with a touch of essensial grooming. What will be his friendship with the pretty elf?

Boromir: A patriotic bandstand for his country, he sees only one mission... to save his country and spread the almost long lost Disco... But, his drunken father's dreams loom on his thought and proper thinking. Will this lead him to doom? Unlike his father, bi-polar pills are no problem to down...that is until they stop making them in cherry flavor...

Faramir: Out of a lost family he is the only one with some sense...and brain cells. Years of drunken Bi-polar oppresion has left its mark on this fellow, putting him as some would call "Emotionally sensitive"... Can't see his daddie's motives, or sometimes his. Instead of fighting back is prone to self-mutalation, with help of others of course...

Pippin: A heavy chain pot-smoker who just joined in for the fun and friends. Motives are rather bleak but tries to live up to his mentor, Merry the Dazeful... With these two, it is liable to see set backs and breakups!

************************************************** ***************
Eh, the list started to weaken by Legolas... sorry, i ran out of creative ideas. I'll let others add more characters to our little soap...

~Creatively drained Ka~ *Pokes brain and dust comes out... "My humour must be dry again!"

[Beanamir of Gondor]

Ah, yes, Faramir was good, though. There should always be a cutter on every show.
But you forgot to add the part about Merry being the sexual confused hobbit, who ends up marrying his second cousin Estella. He also has a little bit of trouble getting used to being seperated from chain-smoker cousin Pippin, whom he has been with his entire life, and consequently is thoroughly frightened, confused, and bitter until picked up and hobbit-napped by Dernhelm.

[THE Ka]

You have a point. So, just to even and distinguish it out, if Merry is going to be genderly confused why don't we just make Legolas a trans-gender blonde bombshell with career dreams as a glam rocker...

Sound good? It will get rid of any confusion for the reader on their part...


~ Studio Ka~

[Morai]

I'd thought I'd do some odd ones:
The Ring: A depressed but evil soul that longs for its master. It has some identity issues, resulting of years of being stuck with a creature in a cave. The Ring loves to get other people in trouble, particularly the kind of trouble that results in death. It loves to have it's bearers wrapped around its finger and loves it when they become possessive. The Ring is quite flexible and can change its appearance and size to whatever fits the person that wears it.

Gollum: And we thought the Ring had issues. This guy is not only bipolar, but schitzophrenic as well. After his "preciousss" left him for a hobbit, Gollum has not been a happy camper. He ends up stalking the Ring and its new bearer, Frodo. Gollum then comes up with a plan to feed Frodo and his "fat-hobbit" friend to a spider to get his preciousss back.