101 Things Barrow-Downers Would Never Post

[The Squatter of Amon Rûdh]

The Chief Wight - I'm opening a new public forum entirely devoted to Pokémon.

Sharkû - A, la belle Français. C'est une langue magnifique!

Mister Underhill - Serious discussion alone is valid. Your laughter insults us all.

Thenamir - Workers of the world unite! You have nothing to lose but your chains!

Heren Istarion - I skip the poems. Poetry is dull.

Legolas - Who cares what it says in the books? Opinion is paramount

The Saucepan Man - Cryptic crosswords are silly. I don't understand what the point is in them.

Lush - Every square millimetre of exposed flesh is a crime, and Russian literature is dull, dull, dull

Bêthberry - There's no value in applying critical theory to Tolkien's works: alone in world literature, they transcend analysis.

Child of the Seventh Age - The eighties were the best time to be a Tolkien fan. It's all been downhill since then

Estelyn - Roleplaying is a serious business. Parodying it is counter-productive.

Kuruharan - My least favourite character of all is Chrysophylax Dives: a poor effort

Rimbaud - Symbolism was the most sterile and uninteresting movement in the history of poetry.

lindil - The 1977 Silmarillion is an entirely flawless synthesis of Tolkien's pre-Third-Age writings. I can't think of a single improvement that could be made apart from making it into an all-action blockbuster movie.

Diamond 18 - Self-test quizzes? What are those?

Well, that's all we have time for here at the Amon Rûdh Parody Scriptorium. You may now poke fun amongst yourselves.