Marriage in Middle-earth II (unhappy)

[Estelyn Telcontar]

This is the second thread on marriage as written about by Tolkien; in the first, we will look at the good examples. This one is dedicated to the unhappy marriages – and there are plenty of them!
One that I have been thinking about is the marriage of Aldarion and Erendis, told in the story of the Mariner’s Wife in Unfinished Tales. Aldarion was the heir to the throne of Numenor and was urged by his parents to settle down and marry, though he himself had no desire to do so. He loved the sea and would rather sail than to stay at home. However, he fell in love with Erendis, who also loved him. Both had doubts, but put them aside. She did not share his vision or recognize the greatness of his deeds; he loved his profession more than her. Both tried to adjust to each other’s lives, but could not. Under the pressure of the royal parents, they finally married, but spent most of their lives separated because they found no common ground to live on, literally! They had one daughter, Ancalimë, who later became Queen and was unhappily married to Hallacar. (History, especially family history, inevitably repeats itself!)
What went wrong?
It seems to me that their love was based more on outward appearance than on inward values. Neither understood the other’s priorities, but they also ignored their doubts and married despite them. Her mother warned her:
“A woman must share her husband’s love with his work and the fire of his spirit, or make him a thing not loveable.”
Both clung to their ways stubbornly, growing bitter over the years. She became a man-hater, he became a workaholic. There were no common goals or interests that held them together.
What do you think about Aldarion and Erendis’ marriage? When we’ve shared ideas on that, we can go on to other negative examples – who knows what we might learn from them!