Know Yer Mates, or a Member Above Ye

[Gil-Galad]

The Grand Eomer of the Rohirrim, our local Scotsmen, perhaps even Stewart of Albany? we shall never know with him, his tale brings us to fighting Pirates and saving gnomes from trees that attack because of meatball sub shortages.

but enough of my crazy stories, i bring you the tale of Sir Eomer of Rohirrim



NARRATOR: The Tale of Sir Eomer.... So each of the knights
went their separate ways. Sir Eomer rode north, through the dark
forest of Ewing, accompanied by his favorite minstrels.
MINSTREL (singing):
Bravely bold Sir Eomer, rode forth from Rohan.
He was not afraid to die, o Brave Sir Eomer.
He was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways.
Brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Eomer!
He was not in the least bit scared to be mashed into a pulp,
Or to have his eyes gouged out, and his elbows broken.
To have his kneecaps split, and his body burned away,
And his limbs all hacked and mangled, brave Sir Eomer!
His head smashed in and his heart cut out,
And his liver removed and his bowels unplugged,
And his nostrils raped and his bottom burned off,
EOMER: That's -- that's, uh, that's enough music for now, lads.
Looks like there's dirty work afoot

ALL HEADS: Halt! Who art thou?
MINSTREL (singing): He is brave Sir Eomer, brave Sir Eomer, who--
EOMER: Shut up! Um, n-n-nobody really, I'm j-just um, just
passing through.
ALL HEADS: What do you want?
MINSTREL (singing): To fight, and--
EOMER: Shut up! Um, oo, n-nothing, nothing really -- I, uh,
j-j-ust to um, just to p-pass through good Sir knight.
ALL HEADS: I'm afraid not!
EOMER: Ah. W-well, actually I am a Knight of the Round Table.
ALL HEADS: You're a Knight of the Round Table?
EOMER: I am.
LEFT HEAD: In that case I shall have to kill you.
MIDDLE HEAD: Shall I?
RIGHT HEAD: Oh, I don't think so.
MIDDLE HEAD: Well, what do I think?
LEFT HEAD: I think kill him.
RIGHT HEAD: Well let's be nice to him.
MIDDLE HEAD: Oh shut up.
LEFT HEAD: Perhaps-
MIDDLE HEAD: And you.
LEFT HEAD: Oh quick get the sword out I want to cut his head off!
RIGHT HEAD: Oh, cut your own head off!
MIDDLE HEAD: Yes, do us all a favor!
LEFT HEAD: What?
RIGHT HEAD: Yapping on all the time.
MIDDLE HEAD: You're lucky, you're not next to him.
LEFT HEAD: What do you mean?
MIDDLE HEAD: You snore.
LEFT HEAD: Oh I don't -- anyway, you've got bad breath.
MIDDLE HEAD: Well its only because you don't brush my teeth.
RIGHT HEAD: Oh stop bitching and let's go have tea.
LEFT HEAD: All right all right all right we'll kill him first
and then have tea and biscuits.
MIDDLE HEAD: Yes.
RIGHT HEAD: Oh, not biscuits.
LEFT HEAD: All right all right not biscuits, but lets kill him
anyway.
ALL HEADS: Right!
LEFT HEAD: He's buggered off!
RIGHT HEAD: So he has, he's scarpered.
MINSTREL (singing): Brave Sir Eomer ran away
EOMER: No!
MINSTREL (singing): Bravely ran away away
EOMER: I didn't!
MINSTREL (singing): When danger reared its ugly head,
He bravely turned his tail and fled
EOMER: No!
MINSTREL (singing): Yes Brave Sir Eomer turned about
EOMER: I didn't!
MINSTREL (singing): And gallantly he chickened out
Bravely taking to his feet
EOMER: I never did!
MINSTREL (singing): He beat a very brave retreat
EOMER: Oh, lie!
MINSTREL (singing): Bravest of the brave Sir Eomer
EOMER: I never!