What do you assign to Mordor?

[Lalaith]

I am prepared to make an exception for Alex Kapranos

Ah, but he is clever with it, innit?
I assign guitar solos, as we are on the subject. I have no problem with guitars, men, women or goats playing guitars....but solos are tiresome in the extreme.

But chiefly, and the reason I am here tonight, is to assign finger wounds.
Specifically, slicing savoy cabbage with a very sharp knife while watching Strictly Come Dancing, and cutting right through the thumb and nail, vertically, about half an inch down.
My parents were staying and both are doctors, so I didn't have to go to casualty, they could deal with it on the spot. Bloody lucky really because everyone else in the house was just jumping around going "yuk, ew, argh".
Oh and because there are so many nerve endings in the fingers you go into shock when you wound them. As I did. For most of the evening. *shudder*