Fab Fan Mail!

[Rynoah, the Overly-Happy]

Dear Legolas,
Will you send me a vile of your saliva?

There was a bit of a stink about someone selling Paul McCaurtney's germs on eBay. But I digress....

Dear Faramir,

Éowyn doesn't love you; I do! Ditch her and come to meeeeee!

Dear Éowyn,

We all know you don't love that Gondor captain. You can do so much better... like ME!

(Meanwhile, in some dark recess of the earth, two Grima Wormtongue sympathizers are having a jolly good time constructing other relationship-damaging fan letters....)