101 Things LOTR Characters Would Never Say

[ElanorGamgee]

*Aragorn, Frodo, Sam, Merry, and Pippin are roughing it through the Wild*

Aragorn: "Guys, you're walking too fast! I'm worn out. Let's have a rest."

Frodo: "But Strider, we rested ten minutes ago! At this rate we'll never reach Rivendell!"

Pippin: "Yes, according to my calculations, at our present rate we will reach Elrond's lodgings at precisely 5:00 pm two hundred and twenty days from now."

Aragorn: *pouts* "I don't care. I'm not walking any farther for at least half an hour." *crashes on the grass and starts snoring*

Merry: *stares at map* "According to the map and Sam's travel log, we camped at this precise location a month ago!"

Sam: "You must be joking. Even Strider isn't that bad a guide!"

Aragorn: *sits up* "Well, you guys keep going on and on about rings, so I thought we'd travel in one to go along with the theme. Surprise!"

*the Hobbits start at him with gaping mouths*

Frodo: "You mean to tell me that we've been traveling in a circle for the past thirty days?!?" *lunges at Aragorn, but Pippin and Merry hold him back*

Sam: "Let go of Mr. Frodo!" *jumps on Pippin's back and pulls on his hair*

*Hobbits fight among themselves until they hear Aragorn wailing*

Merry: "Stop crying, you big baby!"

Aragorn: "I just wanted to help and you guys yelled at me!" *blows nose and sniffles*

Frodo: "Ok, ok, we forgive you. Now lets get going or we'll never reach Rivendell!"

Aragorn: "You expect me to walk in my condition? I need at least an hour to calm my poor nerves!"

*Hobbits sigh and have an early second breakfast*