101 Things LOTR Characters Would Never Say

[The Squatter of Amon Rûdh]

Just thought of these to extend the agony:

Círdan: Right: I'm sick of hanging around here running a free cruise line for every Noldorin freeloader that turns up. We'll give that chit Galadriel and those Istari johnnies five more days; then we're all off back to Tol Eressëa without them.

*Trails off mumbling about what he'll do if he sees another boat that day*

Gwaihir: If you think that I've nothing better to do with my time than to rush about hither and yon carrying you and your friends, Mithrandir, you've another think coming.

Tom Bombadil: Why do I have to rescue every group of morons that wanders through here? They got themselves into that pickle, so they can jolly well get themselves out of it. Right: where's my black suit?

Radagast: Ruddy winged vermin! Everything I own is covered in guano! I'm off to see what Olórin's up to. At least he's not surrounded by blasted birds!

Ghân-buri-Ghân: Me no help you. Wild Men no play with food. Get in pot.

The Mouth of Sauron: Sauron says that he'd like to decide the battle with a game of charades. Are we still on for golf this weekend, Aragorn old chap?

Celeborn: Look here, Darling: I'm supposed to be in charge around here, but I never seem to get a word in edgeways. Can't you go and make some rope or something while I find out what sort of people you've brought home this time?

Gandalf: Actually, Saruman, you've got a good point: it's all completely hopeless. Would he let me have Eriador, do you think?

[ October 09, 2002: Message edited by: Squatter of Amon Rudh ]