Everything I need to know I learned from LOTR

[Sirithheruwen]

Originally Posted by Maeggaladiel

- Evil minions have three settings on their bows: "Stun," "Kill," and "Miss." They usually use the last setting to avoid lawsuits.

On that breainwave...
They usually save the besst ("kill") for last. (Ask Boromir. Again.)

[Morai]

4. When chopping wood, make sure the trees don't have any friends. They will attack you...

I find that one very true. Why do you think there are so many treehuggers in Oregon? The trees have minds of their own. Anyways, here's some of my lessons learned:

1) If you have blonde hair, color changing eyes, good archery skills, can speak pretty elvish phrases, are graceful, and wear tight pants, you will always have a mob of teenyboppers chasing you.

2) Most short people with curly hair are hobbits that got drunk on ent-draught. Then they were so drunk that they managed to wax the hair of eachothers feet.

3) Never let your cousin drink in a bar if you want your identity to remain a secret.

4) Some jewelry just isn't worth the risk.

5) Always carry lembas when on a LONG hike.

[Saraphim]

~If you meet a girl who is willing to give up her immortality for you, she's a keeper.
~Never trust transparent guys in black cloaks riding black horses who can speak the black speech.
~If your uncle offers you a ring, say no.
~If a mysterious elf named Annatar offers you a ring, say no.

That's all I've got for now.

[purplefluffychainsaw]

1) If you have blonde hair, color changing eyes, good archery skills, can speak pretty elvish phrases, are graceful, and wear tight pants, you will always have a mob of teenyboppers chasing you.

Really? I'm settled then. Well, I'm not really all that graceful, but the rest I've got sorted. But that screws what I was going to say:

1) Grow your hair long, dye it blonde, get some false pointy ears and a bow. You'll ne'er need goo lookee for a girl e'er again.

But I still have:

2) When in the middle of the wilderness, and or a battle don't worry about your hair. 'Specially if it's long and blonde. ((Really? I wish.))


3) If you are under **Checks height scale** about 5" and don't posses pretty jewellry then you are automatically comedy relief.

4) don't worry about that great big army. Gandalf/Aragorn/the elves will come and help you.

5) (related to above) BUT they won't come until most of YOUR army is dead.

6) million to one chances *always* come through

7) Never walk into a flood. (Pay attention all you Nazgul at the back there!)

8) the elves can cure *anything*, even death **cougharagorncough**

9) Don't trust a slimy miget more then your best friend. Even if he has been through what you're going through.

10) Just becuase the elves say it doesn't mean it is true elvish.

Hmmm... That be all I can think of for now. But I'll be back! Oh!

11) Listen to the elves. Usually they know what they're doing. Yes, Isildur, that means you too.

[dkhyrosha]

Hmmm...you guys have most of them, but here's a few more:

If your daughter wants to marry a Ranger-would-be-King, there is nothing you can do to stop her.

When in a hopeless battle, duck, you never know who will fly to meet you

When in doubt, stay with Gandalf

Never, ever, grab a shinny ball when someone says not to (that means you Pip)

[Morai]

11) Listen to the elves. Usually they know what they're doing. Yes, Isildur, that means you too.

How true that is. Kinda puts a new twist on the phrase: "Listen to your elders."
Anyway here's a few more:

1) When screaming Nazgul come riding towards you, they probably mean to kill you, not to play a heavy metal concert.

2) The Phrase "Give me a hand" takes on a whole new meaning when your talking to the Eye of Sauron.

3) Friends are capable of attempting to stab you in the back, especially when they have the One Ring.

[ArathorofBarahir]

1. Never throw stones in a lake if you don't know what lives there.

2. There is always hope if you know that there is no hope there is hope.

3. Men with stubble can get hot chicks.

4. Never accept a ring as gift.

5. Never touch a skeleton sitting on a well.

6. Chicks dig elves.