LOTR parents!

[Morai]

Here's my bit.
One day in Fangorn, Treebeards son finds a rusted ork axe on the ground. He picks it up and brings it to his daddy.
Bushbeard: (lousy name I know) "Daddy, what's this?"
Treebeard: PUT...THAT...DOWN...THIS...INSTANT! Or...as fast...as...your...entish...arms...can.

[Amariden Ravenhill]

*A loud crash is heard in the White Citadel*

Arwen: ELDARION!!! THAT WAS MY FAVORITE VASE! HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU NOT TO USE THAT BOW IN THE HOUSE?!?!

Eldarion: B-but mother, Legolas said the only way I'll get better at archery is if I practice! Dad said the same thing about using my sword! *fingers the pommel in a Gollum-like manner*

Arwen: AHHHHHHH!!!! YOU'RE BECOMING JUST LIKE YOUR FATHER, UNCLES AND YOUR GRANDFATHER!!!!! AHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Eldarion: Eh.......speaking of Uncle Elrohir and Uncle Elladan, today they're going to take me orc-hunting with Dad!!!! *runs out of the room cackling*

Arwen: ........ Eldarion may LOOK like an elf, but he has a human's brain.....

[Amariden Ravenhill]

One day in Tuckburough, six year old Faramir Took made an interesting discovery.....

Faramir: HEY DADDY! I'M REALLY SMART!!! Wanna hear me? Please? Please? Please?

Pippen: Oh alright.....

Faramir: Yay! Ok.....um..... Postatem obscuri lateris nescitis.

Pippen: Wow…..that’s “You do not know the power of the Dark Side.”

Faramir: Yep! *sees Frodo Gamgee playing with marbles* FRODO!!!!

Frodo: Yeah?

Faramir: Utinam barbari spatium proprium tuum invadant! = I just said “May barbarians invade your personal space!"

Frodo: THAT’S MEAN!!! *pouts and starts playing with the little gold ring he found*





Yes, it is Latin that little Faramir Took is speaking!

[Vanwatholiel]

Alright guys, the responses have been hilarious so far. Thanks. I have another one.

Gimli is brushing his looooooong beard, and he hits a snag (nap). "Ahhhhhhh!" Little Gimlion comes running.
"Ada, what's wrong?" "What have I told you about that word? You are not Elvish." says Gimli.
"But Ada, Uncle Leggy says I have an Elvish spirit." "So?" says Gimli. "Ahhhhhhhh!" (Giant ripping sound) "There. Got it out." "B-but dad, there is a huge bald spot on your chin!" "So? Go shoot some arrows or something. Learn some Elvish lessons. Just get out of my hair!" "But dad, what hair?" "Arrrgh!"

[Olorin_TLA]

"Daddy Púrin, can I see our family tree?"

"Of ocurse you can, Dúrin! First, there's Húrin, then Túrin, then Múrin, then Lúrin, then Cúrin, then Júrin, then Búrin, then Fúrin, then Súrin, then Zúrin, then Vúrin, then Núrin, then Uúrin, then Púrin, Dúrin...Ú-c-rin?"

And don;t get me started on Húor's descendants...

[Olorin_TLA]

Originally Posted by Morai

Here's my bit.
One day in Fangorn, Treebeards son finds a rusted ork axe on the ground. He picks it up and brings it to his daddy.
Bushbeard: (lousy name I know) "Daddy, what's this?"
Treebeard: PUT...THAT...DOWN...THIS...INSTANT! Or...as fast...as...your...entish...arms...can.

I guess a 3 year debate about haste follows?

[Vanwatholiel]

Looky here. (no, it's not a typo) Of course the members didn't have kids until after the War of the Ring. Hey, did Legolas or Gimli ever have kids? Dooes anybody know? Tell me!

[Saraphim]

Merry, Pippin and Gimli's kids would be the naughty type. They would sit around in a circle in the basement and smoke pipe-weed (true That 70's Show style) and convince little Legolas Jr to get them into the wine-cellar, because he is the only one of the offspring anyone trusts.

Faramir's kids would be pyromaniacs because it skips a generation, and because of Eowyn's energetic DNA. But they would also be shy. Quite an odd mix.

Morgoth's child would catch bugs and corrupt them. Where do you think mosquitos come from?

I can imagine Sauron's kid being able to change forms, but he would end up as a little everything: a werewolf puppy, a vampire fledgling, a little fiery eye...

Little Krima Wormtongue would throw things, valuable or not.

[nynnd1]

I could see Legolas and Gimli adopting a child together, Legolas would dress him as an Elf and Gimli would feed him up on Miracle Beard Grow.

[tar-ancalime]

Gandalf, to his children:

"Back in my day we knew what walking was. How do you think we got to school? That's right--we walked. Uphill both ways. In the snow. Barefoot. We didn't have fancy waggons or carriages. And that was after we did our chores."

children:

"But Dad, didn't you always get rides from Eagles and Mearas?"

Gandalf:

"Who told you that? That's not the point!"

[Morai]

I can imagine Sauron's kid being able to change forms, but he would end up as a little everything: a werewolf puppy, a vampire fledgling, a little fiery eye...

That is an interesting point.
One ugly day in Mordor:
Sauron: How many times do I have to tell you not to put the Ring on without my permission?
Sauron Jr.: It didn't hurt me. *turns into an eye and glares*
Sauron: DON'T GIVE ME THAT EYE YOUNG MAN! That's it, you're going to bed up the tower of Baradur without your dinner.
Sauron Jr. : But dad! We're having human royalty stew!
Sauron: No buts young man.
Sauron Jr. *under his breath* I'm a ghastly specter not a man....