The Hills of Evendim Planning/Discussion Thread

[Elora]

I realise that my name is mud, and rightly so, owing to my loooooooong absence.

I posted in homage and to convey the high regard I hold you all in. Having read through your wonderful work, I hope that I may say:


CONGRATULATIONS!


Well, having emerged from enforced isolation, I suppose I should stick around long enough for you guys to throw rotten tomatoes at me for abandoning you all.

Not that you needed me. Far from it. Such fine writing, I am simply over the moon and astounded at the quality of work and story telling (and more than a little miffed at circumstances that led me to absent myself for so long - boy, did I miss out!)

Let the tomato throwing begin



*Elora holds arms out and resigns herself to a pelting with good cheer*

[Esgallhugwen]

Ok, I have two versions, I've been trying to think really hard on this but lots of other stuff is going on. Like my grad this saturday for instance, but thats besides the point.

Hope you think there fairly reasonable, please feel free to make suggestions to me, this is the first time I've written a lament and I have no idea what I'm doing

First one:

Lira Nen where now does she dwell?
No longer in Eryn Lasgalen or Fair Ithilien
Her sweet voice will not be heard in these lands again

In the raging storm doom called her
Alas! That her body was broken in that evil place,
That her soul was imprisoned in the shadows.
In the darkness the red demon came but she defied him.

A! Elbereth Gilthoniel!
silvren penna míriel
o menel aglar elenath,
Gilthoniel, A! Elbereth!

Her very essence was star and moonlight
And so she quited the earth when dawn rose.

The sea calls, white shores and emerald fields
Silver and gold flowers sway in the ocean breeze
Birds sing enchanting melodies.

No more tears shall be shed from her crystal blue eyes
No longer will she weep from despair in these mortal lands,
No longer will she feel the pain of death around her

Rest now in sacred Valinor, beloved Lira
Rest now away from the toils of Middle- Earth
In the land of eternal twilight.

Second one:

Light fades, sun sets, twilight breaks, night rests as the shadows come.
To the dark gate the company marched
A storm roared in hunger, doom called Lira Nen
Alas! That her body was broken in that cursed place

The blood of others was the evil ones undoing,
Now the enslaved are set free.
Behold the light of Valinor, dearest Lira
Go now and dream in harmony
No more troubled by the perils of mortal lands.



**Well there they are I'm not sure about some of the lines, but tell me what you think and what I should change (if anything, though I'm sure there are a few things that could be improved) Then I'll translate it into Quenya

Oh and by the way, I would never want to throw tomatoes at you Elora, I can understand how busy things can get sometimes. And I think even though you havn't been here alot you've still contributed nicely to the story!

[Alatariel Telemnar]

*feels bad about how little work she put into the RPG* *wouldn't be suprised if her name was mud, too*

[Elora]

Esgallhugwen , appreciate your patience.

Alatariel, when I said everybody, I meant to include everyone who posted to this RP. I hold your contributions in no lesser light. Of that you can be assured. Now hand me back that mud you were making your name out of. I need to build a mud wall to defend myself from the barrage!




Forgive me if my last 2 posts seem to add nothing by way of forward momentum. I am loathe to sail in and forward things along - it would smack of rudeness and arrogance for me to do so.

I gather that events will go now to Bree, where a report on the events of Eodwine's rescue shall be made.

Will the tale beyond that also be told in this RP - such as the escort with Lira's body?

Just idle questions rattling around, rather loney, in the drafty space my brain once inhabited (if scientist interpretation of fossilised evidence can be held as reliable and accurate).

My 2 cents, worth really 1.4 US cents roughly, is that events following on from Bree may well fall outside of the scope of this RP, particularly if time pressure to wrap it up is being felt. If not, and people are willing, the post Bree report "chapter" could continue on in this RP.

What do the rest of you fine folk think?

[Esgallhugwen]

Please people I would love for you to look over my two laments and say which one you'd prefer more, and any lines that should be revised, changed, or added in any way so I can get on the translation, I'm afraid I might not have any time to do so on Saturday because of my grad.

It would be greatly appreciated to hear what you think or if you think its best to drop the whole idea.

Eternally,
Esgallhugwen

[Imladris]

*smacks head* Forgive me, Eswen, for not getting back to you. I was thinking about it and it....sort of slipped my mind.

I prefer the first one. It has lots of elvish themes to it. Not crits at all.

Cheers,
Imladris

[Elora]

The first seems more in keeping with the style of Elvish laments to my mind also, and so my voice is added to Imladris'.

Both are fine work, just a sense of more Elvish-ness in the former is all.