An Arda Recipe Book

[Maeggaladiel]

Oooh, these all sound so good! I'm really hungry. *stomach rumbles* Quiet down there!! Anyway, I'd like to contribute, but I'm no good at cooking. IT'S TIME FOR... COOKING FOR THE CULINARILLY CHALLENGED!

Theoden's TV Dinner

1) Open freezer.
2) Marvel at the freezing capacity of the freezer.
3) Get ice pick.
4) Pretend you're on Caradhas as you hack your way through the blinding snow and ice of the freezer.
5) Once you've made a sizable hole, dig around until you find a frozen dinner.
6) Check expiration date on dinner. Shrug and figure that it's been in deep-freeze so long that it'll still be good to eat, even though it's overdue by about a year.
7) Turn on LOTR soundtrack while you use tongs to remove the frozen dinner from the freezer. Be sure to use tongs, otherwise your fingers'll go through hypothermia.
8) Find way to remove the frozen dinner from the packaging. This might entail a clever system of levers and pulleys, or you could just whack it on the table a few times.
9) Throw dinner into microwave for about five minutes. (Remember to turn the microwave on, or you won't get anywhere.)
10) If food is smoking, it's probably done. If not, stick it back in the microwave.
11) Take bite. Scream as you burn your tongue. Curse it in a variety of languages.
12) Put ROTK in the VCR, sit back and enjoy your TV dinner!

TA DAAA!!! *Everyone gives Maeggaladiel a dirty look* Okay, I'll go now. *slinks away and hides under a rock.*

Wishing she could actually cook,
~Maeggaladiel