Defective Weapons Inc.

[Audreidi]

"Oathbreakers, why have ye come?"

And a voice was heard out of the night that answered him, as if from far away: "To fulfil our oath and have peace."

Then Aragorn said: "The hour is come at last. Now I go to Pelargir upon Anduin, and ye shall come after me. And when all this land is clean of the servants of Sauron, I will hold the oath fulfilled, and ye shall have peace and depart for ever. For I am Elessar, Isildur's heir of Gondor."

There was a lengthy pause, followed by the distinct sound of someone blowing their tongue, as if from far away, and the voice responded: "You killed my auntie."

Aragorn was taken aback. "Well, I'm sorry about that--"

"You killed the bride's father!"

Another voice rang out. "But isn't he already dead?"

"SILENCE, YOU!!!"

"D'oh."

Padawan...no more garlic...
It's an inside joke, m'dear Ent the Perky.

[The Perky Ent]

I know it's a inside joke! I just like doing things like that

Sam: Destory the ring!
Frodo: Mmm, don't think so! *puts ring on*
Smeagol: Attention shoppers, there's a 5 doller discount on Hobbit Fingers!
Gollum: Mmm, forbidden finger
*bits frodo's finger and takes the ring*
Gollum: La la la la la, *looks at sign* Do not jump over edge? Yeah, like that's gonna happen....
*falls off*
*ring doesn't melt*
Frodo: Why isn't it melting?
Sam: I don't know!
Elrond: Oh, sorry! I didn't have my glasses on when I was at the council. It can only be destroyed at Mt. Foon! It's in chinatown!
Frodo: Where is Chinatown?
Elrond: In China
Frodo: Oh! Right! Off course! How silly of me!
Sam: Where's China Mr. Frodo?
Frodo: I have no idea, but it isn't hear
Elrond: Actually, Sauron became so partial to take-out, he-
*stops talking*
*Frodo and Sam are pigging out*
Gandalf in aggrivated tone: Hobbits!

[Eowyn Skywalker]

Actually, it's not that inside, Perky... there's a fic on fanfiction.net called Paint Wars that will fill you in quite nicely. And no, it has nothing to do with vampires either...

"You have no color now!" declaimed Gandalf, as he cast Saruman from the Order.

"Ah..." But Saruman stood up, and cast off his multi-colored robes. "Mr. Gandalf, when you cast me from the order, you left out one thing..." He stood up, and the morning sun glistened over his red robes. "When the Ents came here to kill me, and MY tower, they almost suceeded. I am Saruman the RED now, and you have no power over me!" He laughed crazily, until an orb of black glass came flying from the top most window of the tower. Saruman fell over, dead.

Gandalf shook his head, and proceeded to crack Saruman's red staff. "Never underestimate the powers of the Palantir," he announced, looking over at Pippin, who was looking into the Stone. "PIPPIN! NO!"

***to be continued in thearers next fall***

-Eowyn Skywalker