Defective Weapons Inc.

[Nilpaurion Felagund]

But when the wolf came for Beren, Felagund picked the lock on his handcuffs and slapped the werewolf with all his might, and the wolf fell as if struck by the power of Felagund - which he was.
"Kill him! Bite him!" said Beren.
"Braces," said Finrod.
"Then claw him!" said Beren.
"New manicure. Sorry," said Felagund.
"Great," said Beren, as the wolf awakened...

...

"...and they built me a cave, like some cool castle, and the Dwarves - those short bearded things - called my Felagund! Ain't that cool?" said Finrod.
"That's nice, dear," said Finarfin; and an unkempt man, bound in a white straitjacket, flanked by two orderlies, passed them by, saying: "I'll get, you, you...you..."
"Do you know that one?" said Finarfin.
"Nope," said Finrod, and they walked beneath the trees in Eldamar.

I found this manuscript in some cave near Namibia, written in Rumilian script. Took me a year to translate.