Defective Weapons Inc.

[Morsul the Dark]

Actually I like that alot ninlaith I can Imagine Frodo singing hehe

Sam is smacking people around in moria with his pan the bottom breaks out..."What My pan is broken now I cant make taters!" Kills everyone including Balrog

[The Perky Ent]

How about this:

Gandalf: A palantir is a dangerous tool, Saruman! You don't know who else is watching!

Saruman: Oh shut it! Palantir, Palantir, on the stone. Sauron or me, who is bad to the bone?

Sauron: Um...Saruman? You do realize I can see you right?

Saruman: It said Saruman! It said Saruman!

[The Perky Ent]

lol I just thought of something (other than "I'm hungry" or "Futumara rules")

(Merry and Pippin throw stones in the water)
Aragorn: Do not temp the water!
(Merry throws another stone)
(the stone floats on the water)
Pippin: Will you look at that!
Aragorn: Well, since it's not sinking, I guess you can throw stones!
(Gandalf tries passwords that don't work)
(Gandalf pressed his shoulder against the door to budge it, and the door breaks)
Gandalf: Um...yes! That was the effect of the password!
(The watcher tries to break down the entrance, but there's nothing to break)
Johnny Depp: That's interesting
Legolas: Johnny, wrong movie.

If your going to say, that's interesting, it has to be said by Johnny Deep.

[Nilpaurion Felagund]

"Shall we shoot?" said Faramir, turning quickly to Frodo.
"Uh, yeah. Sure. Whatever," said Frodo, the evening's wine affecting his mind.
Faramir shrugged, then reached into his pocket. He came up with a radio. "Anborn. Weapons free. Say again, weapons are free. Prosecute to kill."
"Roger." An arrow whistled towards the unsuspecting Gollum, yet it misses him, hitting a fish instead.
"Oh, look, precious. Fisssh on ssstick," said Gollum.
Faramir spoke into the radio. "Reload and fire. Now, now, NOW!"
A rain of steel descended upon Gollum, yet none found its mark. Hundreds of fish float to the surface, their bodies punctured by the arrows.
"More fisssh on stick, preciousss," said Gollum gleefully.
An awkward silence followed. Finally, Frodo spoke up. "I know later you'll say something that goes like this: 'Only to come here and look on the pool bears the penalty of death.' I just did not know it would be death from over-eating."
"Or laughter," Sam piped in.
Faramir was enraged at the blasphemous - but true - comment, and he pushed the hobbits over the brink of the cliff. Yet the knives of stone broke at the landing of the two hobbits, and Faramir said:
"Even the rocks don't work? Darn! I really need a new hideout!"

This came from my head.

[Elven Hunter]

Not exactly a weapon

(Saruman speaking to the Palantir..)
Saruman: Lord Sau-
(Sauron interrupts..)
Sauron: Sorry, I'm not at home right now, if you have anything to say please leave a message after the beep.. toooooooooooooot..
(Saruman covers the Palantir..)
Saruman: Oh darn. Next time I'll ask for his cell number.

here's another one

(Frodo with others in the mines of Moria.. their torch burns out.. Orcs closing in.. Frodo's sword glows..)
Frodo: It's pretty dark in here. Good thing I have this sword.
(sword flickers and its light goes out)
Frodo: Aww men.. Gandalf, do you have spare batteries?
Gandalf: Sori pal, I'm using it for my staff.