Dwarven Boasting Contest - The Barrow-Downs Discussion Forum

dancing spawn of ungoliant · 03-01-2005, 09:21 AM

Quote:

Though I guess the "lesser" races could proclaim how "great" they are too.

Ah, the mightiest creatures of Arda are ponies, of course. They can bear heavy loads (rumours say that even hobbits

) without any word of complain. Ponies are almost tireless workers and with their incredible senses ponies can scent danger. These hosses also represent probably the only species that has ever gotten away alive from the infamous Barrow Downs on their own.

Maeggaladiel · 03-01-2005, 11:05 AM

Know you fools what I think of thy foolish banter? Listen to my laughter: HA HA HA HA HA! Istari and men indeed!

Now that fun and games are over, you will all bow to the awesome might of the greatest of all creatures. Yes, cower in the icy, dark shadow of the hobbit!

Aye, hobbits; the most dangerous creature ever to walk the land. They are ever-hungry, always seeking some tasty morsel to devour, not caring if it has family back home.

Be not decieved by their humble appearance; beneath the cute exterior lies a killer. Who killed the Witch King? A HOBBIT! (Yeah, okay, that human lady helped him a little.) Who fended off the gigantic bloodthirsty Shelob? A HOBBIT! (Okay, so she didn't really die. It's the thought that counts.)

Slay dragons? HA! Why waste their energy? They just steal what they need from the horde and let their pathetic underlings do the rest. They riddle with creatures of darkness, steal wine from under the elvenking's nose, fend off dreaded Barrow-Wights and still have time to announce the arrival of any eagle that comes within a ten mile radius of them.

They're crafty! They'll take your most treasured possesion and give it to your enemy! They're tough! Stab 'em, feed 'em to a monster, give 'em to a cave troll... and BAM! They're okay!

Do I need to add that there is no book titled "The Man," "The Dwarf," or "The Istari?" Obviously the hobbit is the dominant species here.

Neurion · 03-07-2005, 11:25 AM

And I say that you are all beneath us.

The Elves are by far the greatest of the Free Races.
We are the wisest, by far the longest-lived, the most graceful and elegant of examples of Illuvatar's creation, and we can drink wine for days on end without falling over (dismiss any of those Hobbit rumours to the contrary you may have heard ).

We are the greatest warriors, the tallest and most endurant, we can walk over new-blown snow without leaving a mark and see clearly beyond even the sight of the Eagles. We are the fairest forms of life upon Middle-Earth, and the fairest of our maidens cause flowers to bloom even as they tread lightly over the grass (strangely enough though, many of the most high and beautiful among them also have atrocious taste in choosing their mates).

Do not try and fight against what you know to be true. We of the Eldar are the greatest and all else must properly bow before us.

Nilpaurion Felagund · 03-08-2005, 05:16 AM

What is all this nonsense before me? The only thing I know other races can do best is boast about their little accomplishments.

The greatest and most majestic of all races Eru put on Arda happen to be Wargs. Tom Bombadil, the most powerful being on Middle-earth, is a Warg. So are the Istari--don't believe it when the books say they're Maiar.

Angamandi, time and again they come to the salvation of Arda! Who caused the defeat of the armies of Morgoth? Eönwë and a hundred Wargs. Who caused the destruction of Ar-Pharazôn's impious armada? Sea-Wargs. Who actually defeated Sauron--twice? A Warg.

Obviously, Wargs are the best.

(Commendations to all who posted here. I'd give you all reps, but I'm still waiting for 24 hours to expire.)

Estelyn Telcontar · 03-08-2005, 08:08 AM

Come on, guys – who do you all think you are?? Bragging about your prowess as if you were the ones pulling all the strings! Why don’t you look to see who the real Powers That Be are? They are the females of the races, of course!

Think of any race – let’s start off with Valar. Who is worshipped by the Elves, the object of their songs and prayers? Manwë? Not a chance! Putting the stars in the sky is a pretty big, universal kind of power, and who’s the one?? O Elbereth…

Now for the Maiar – take Melian, for example. Well, Thingol did - take her, I mean, as his wife. Without her protection, what would have become of his kingdom? And without her calm judgement, he would have been in trouble much sooner than he was.

Then their daughter Lúthien, a union of Maia and Elf – she picked a boyfriend, thought he was hot stuff, and ended up having to help him. He made a promise to get her dad a jewel, and who had to do the work? A woman! Who was able to sing the biggest baddie of them all to sleep? Who was able to soften the heart of Mandos to get said boyfriend back to life?? I rest my case on this point.

Then comes that most powerful of Elven rulers – a She-Elf. Galadriel fought the baddie of her times, kept a whole kingdom going, and even had time to weave cloaks, twist ropes, and bake lembas in her spare time.

You think her granddaughter only got the ability to do needlework from her? Think again! She protected the once and future king on all of his journeys – do you seriously think he would have made it without her? Arwen is another Elf who let herself get fooled by a seemingly strong male, but he was sure lucky to have her at his side, whether directly or from afar.

As to his becoming king, do you think he would have been accepted if that pearl of a nurse, Ioreth, hadn’t told everyone about his healing abilities? He wouldn’t even have known that he could heal if she hadn’t remembered that poem!

And finally our favourite shieldmaiden, Éowyn – the fact that she was no man was the decisive factor in killing the wicked (male, of course!) Witch-King.

By the way, isn’t it interesting that the females are almost exclusively mentioned as belonging to the ‘good’ races? We don’t hear about female Orcs, Wargs, Trolls, Balrogs, fell beasts…

Go figure!

Rimbaud · 03-08-2005, 08:39 AM

Fools! Jackanapes!

The finest race is that of Ranger-Hobbits. Fleet of foot, so swift in fact that nary an author can capture them on their pages for long. Trotting here, trotting there... Forth the Ranger-Hobbits!

Qualitatively,

~R

***The Barrow-Wight*** · 03-08-2005, 09:00 AM

Quote:

By the way, isn’t it interesting that the females are almost exclusively mentioned as belonging to the ‘good’ races? We don’t hear about female Orcs, Wargs, Trolls, Balrogs, fell beasts…

A certain big, ugly spider comes to mind, but I won't do her bragging for her.

mark12_30 · 03-08-2005, 09:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rimbaud

Fools! Jackanapes!

The finest race is that of Ranger-Hobbits. Fleet of foot, so swift in fact that nary an author can capture them on their pages for long. Trotting here, trotting there... Forth the Ranger-Hobbits!

Qualitatively,

~R

You want proof? Here it is-- Trotters go here and there unseen and unheard, wearing WOODEN SHOES. Yep! That's right! They can walk quietly wearing CLOGS. If that's not prowess I don't know what is.

03-01-2005, 11:05 AM	#2
Maeggaladiel Ghost Prince of Cardolan Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: The end of the world as we know it. I feel fine, incidentally. Posts: 500	Know you fools what I think of thy foolish banter? Listen to my laughter: HA HA HA HA HA! Istari and men indeed! Now that fun and games are over, you will all bow to the awesome might of the greatest of all creatures. Yes, cower in the icy, dark shadow of the hobbit! Aye, hobbits; the most dangerous creature ever to walk the land. They are ever-hungry, always seeking some tasty morsel to devour, not caring if it has family back home. Be not decieved by their humble appearance; beneath the cute exterior lies a killer. Who killed the Witch King? A HOBBIT! (Yeah, okay, that human lady helped him a little.) Who fended off the gigantic bloodthirsty Shelob? A HOBBIT! (Okay, so she didn't really die. It's the thought that counts.) Slay dragons? HA! Why waste their energy? They just steal what they need from the horde and let their pathetic underlings do the rest. They riddle with creatures of darkness, steal wine from under the elvenking's nose, fend off dreaded Barrow-Wights and still have time to announce the arrival of any eagle that comes within a ten mile radius of them. They're crafty! They'll take your most treasured possesion and give it to your enemy! They're tough! Stab 'em, feed 'em to a monster, give 'em to a cave troll... and BAM! They're okay! Do I need to add that there is no book titled "The Man," "The Dwarf," or "The Istari?" Obviously the hobbit is the dominant species here. __________________ "Wide ne bith wel," cwaeth se the geheirde on helle hriman.

03-07-2005, 11:25 AM	#3
Neurion Shade of Carn Dûm Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Standing amidst the slaughter I have wreaked upon the orcs Posts: 258	And I say that you are all beneath us. The Elves are by far the greatest of the Free Races. We are the wisest, by far the longest-lived, the most graceful and elegant of examples of Illuvatar's creation, and we can drink wine for days on end without falling over (dismiss any of those Hobbit rumours to the contrary you may have heard ). We are the greatest warriors, the tallest and most endurant, we can walk over new-blown snow without leaving a mark and see clearly beyond even the sight of the Eagles. We are the fairest forms of life upon Middle-Earth, and the fairest of our maidens cause flowers to bloom even as they tread lightly over the grass (strangely enough though, many of the most high and beautiful among them also have atrocious taste in choosing their mates). Do not try and fight against what you know to be true. We of the Eldar are the greatest and all else must properly bow before us. __________________ ____________________________________ "And a cold voice rang forth from the blade. Yea, I will drink thy blood, that I may forget the blood of Beleg my master, and of Brandir slain unjustly. I will slay thee swiftly." Last edited by Neurion; 03-07-2005 at 12:37 PM.

03-08-2005, 05:16 AM	#4
Nilpaurion Felagund Scion of The Faithful Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: The brink, where hope and despair are akin. [The Philippines] Posts: 5,312	Weaklings. What is all this nonsense before me? The only thing I know other races can do best is boast about their little accomplishments. The greatest and most majestic of all races Eru put on Arda happen to be Wargs. Tom Bombadil, the most powerful being on Middle-earth, is a Warg. So are the Istari--don't believe it when the books say they're Maiar. Angamandi, time and again they come to the salvation of Arda! Who caused the defeat of the armies of Morgoth? Eönwë and a hundred Wargs. Who caused the destruction of Ar-Pharazôn's impious armada? Sea-Wargs. Who actually defeated Sauron--twice? A Warg. Obviously, Wargs are the best. (Commendations to all who posted here. I'd give you all reps, but I'm still waiting for 24 hours to expire.) __________________ フェンリス鴨 (Fenrisu Kamo) The plot, cut, defeated. I intend to copy this sig forever - so far so good...

03-08-2005, 08:08 AM	#5
Estelyn Telcontar Princess of Skwerlz Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: where the Sea is eastwards (WtR: 6060 miles) Posts: 7,500	Come on, guys – who do you all think you are?? Bragging about your prowess as if you were the ones pulling all the strings! Why don’t you look to see who the real Powers That Be are? They are the females of the races, of course! Think of any race – let’s start off with Valar. Who is worshipped by the Elves, the object of their songs and prayers? Manwë? Not a chance! Putting the stars in the sky is a pretty big, universal kind of power, and who’s the one?? O Elbereth… Now for the Maiar – take Melian, for example. Well, Thingol did - take her, I mean, as his wife. Without her protection, what would have become of his kingdom? And without her calm judgement, he would have been in trouble much sooner than he was. Then their daughter Lúthien, a union of Maia and Elf – she picked a boyfriend, thought he was hot stuff, and ended up having to help him. He made a promise to get her dad a jewel, and who had to do the work? A woman! Who was able to sing the biggest baddie of them all to sleep? Who was able to soften the heart of Mandos to get said boyfriend back to life?? I rest my case on this point. Then comes that most powerful of Elven rulers – a She-Elf. Galadriel fought the baddie of her times, kept a whole kingdom going, and even had time to weave cloaks, twist ropes, and bake lembas in her spare time. You think her granddaughter only got the ability to do needlework from her? Think again! She protected the once and future king on all of his journeys – do you seriously think he would have made it without her? Arwen is another Elf who let herself get fooled by a seemingly strong male, but he was sure lucky to have her at his side, whether directly or from afar. As to his becoming king, do you think he would have been accepted if that pearl of a nurse, Ioreth, hadn’t told everyone about his healing abilities? He wouldn’t even have known that he could heal if she hadn’t remembered that poem! And finally our favourite shieldmaiden, Éowyn – the fact that she was no man was the decisive factor in killing the wicked (male, of course!) Witch-King. By the way, isn’t it interesting that the females are almost exclusively mentioned as belonging to the ‘good’ races? We don’t hear about female Orcs, Wargs, Trolls, Balrogs, fell beasts… Go figure! __________________ 'Mercy!' cried Gandalf. 'If the giving of information is to be the cure of your inquisitiveness, I shall spend all the rest of my days in answering you. What more do you want to know?' 'The whole history of Middle-earth...'

03-08-2005, 08:39 AM	#6
Rimbaud The Perilous Poet Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: Heart of the matter Posts: 1,062	Fools! Jackanapes! The finest race is that of Ranger-Hobbits. Fleet of foot, so swift in fact that nary an author can capture them on their pages for long. Trotting here, trotting there... Forth the Ranger-Hobbits! Qualitatively, ~R __________________ And all the rest is literature

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