If I found 200,000 orcs on my front door, I would.... - The Barrow-Downs Discussion Forum

Annalaliath · 03-10-2005, 01:05 AM

mmm
attack them with my frying pan.. it would crush a few skulls.

Nilpaurion Felagund · 03-10-2005, 01:54 AM

Ask them whether they are corrupted beasts, corrupted Elves, corrupted Men, Úmaiar, or any combinations thereof.

While they wonder, I get as far away as I can.

Who am I kidding? Eönwë trained me in the art of sword-fighting. I'll show them why somehow they haven't won a decent war since the First Age.

alatar · 03-10-2005, 12:55 PM

Here's a plan:

1. Shut the door. That should slow them down a bit.

2. Use my keyfob to set off my car alarm. Not only would it cause a little wonder in the orcs, it would torque off my neighbors who, armed to the teeth (this is 'Merica!), would start shooting just to get the noise to stop.

3. Call the police. Most local police carry enough firepower to handle a few thousand or so orcs, but what would really get them going would be me telling them that the orcs were having some kind of religious rally without a permit. The ACLU lawyers sniffing the line would beat the cops to the scene, and, by all accounts, those lawyers can be pretty tough.

4. Call the local Teamsters. "Hey, I gotta some guys here who are working below union scale." One might pity the orcs.

5. The next calls would be to cable TV and satellite dish companies who, so hot on signing up a new customer, would be there in minutes. Some of the orcs would be caught in the ensuing crossfire.

6. Call a timeshare company and tell them that there are ~200,000 potential clients at my door if they would be so interested to stop by. Need I say more?

7. Use my video camera to capture the fun for sale later to the local news. Hey, what's wrong with turning a buck on the whole deal?

After that, I'd sit back and load up ROTK EE on the DVD player to find the next thing to nitpick about in the movies forum ("...just why doesn't Merry's cape make him invisible on the Pelennor Fields?"

Eomer of the Rohirrim · 03-10-2005, 02:16 PM

If Buck McCoy has taught me anything, it's that any foe can be defeated with a lasso.

I'd have a quick search for a lasso.

Fordim Hedgethistle · 03-10-2005, 02:21 PM

Call Peter Jackson and tell him that I have an army of extras big enough for him to do the battle of Pelennor Fields again without cgi.

And then I'd send out the lawyers to negotiate an exclusive representation contract with the orcs so that I could take a %10 finder's fee from each of them for getting them signed up with Jackson for the reshoot of the battle.

Glirdan · 03-10-2005, 05:14 PM

Let's see. Firstly, call all my friends and tell them the good news (that there are actually orcs) and the bad news (that they're gonna slaughter me possibly). Next, lock the door and get a fake bow and just start shooting at them like mad when they start hacking at the door. If that doesn't work, I'd run to the back and jump out the window. Unfourtunatley, there is no window so I'd just smash into the wall. Then I'd get up and do it again. I'd probably do that until I was unconcoious. Then I'd get on the computer, come to the Barrow-downs and tell every about my exciting new video game where 200,00 orcs show up at your front door.

Glirdy

ElementFire · 03-10-2005, 06:16 PM

kick butt! what else? (apart from negociating lawyers...) I would probably use some nunchucks and karate!!!

~EF

03-10-2005, 01:05 AM	#1
Annalaliath Shade of Carn Dûm Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Albuquerque Posts: 380	mmm attack them with my frying pan.. it would crush a few skulls. __________________ Bloody Stumps!!!

03-10-2005, 01:54 AM	#2
Nilpaurion Felagund Scion of The Faithful Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: The brink, where hope and despair are akin. [The Philippines] Posts: 5,312	Orcs. Ask them whether they are corrupted beasts, corrupted Elves, corrupted Men, Úmaiar, or any combinations thereof. While they wonder, I get as far away as I can. Who am I kidding? Eönwë trained me in the art of sword-fighting. I'll show them why somehow they haven't won a decent war since the First Age. __________________ フェンリス鴨 (Fenrisu Kamo) The plot, cut, defeated. I intend to copy this sig forever - so far so good...

03-10-2005, 02:16 PM	#4
Eomer of the Rohirrim Auspicious Wraith Join Date: May 2002 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 4,859	If Buck McCoy has taught me anything, it's that any foe can be defeated with a lasso. I'd have a quick search for a lasso. __________________ Los Ingobernables de Harlond

03-10-2005, 02:21 PM	#5
Fordim Hedgethistle Gibbering Gibbet Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Beyond cloud nine Posts: 1,844	Call Peter Jackson and tell him that I have an army of extras big enough for him to do the battle of Pelennor Fields again without cgi. And then I'd send out the lawyers to negotiate an exclusive representation contract with the orcs so that I could take a %10 finder's fee from each of them for getting them signed up with Jackson for the reshoot of the battle. __________________ Scribbling scrabbling.

03-10-2005, 05:14 PM	#6
Glirdan Energetic Essence Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Where Lark Nor Eagle Ever Flew Posts: 3,285	If I saw 200,00 orcs at my front door, I would... Let's see. Firstly, call all my friends and tell them the good news (that there are actually orcs) and the bad news (that they're gonna slaughter me possibly). Next, lock the door and get a fake bow and just start shooting at them like mad when they start hacking at the door. If that doesn't work, I'd run to the back and jump out the window. Unfourtunatley, there is no window so I'd just smash into the wall. Then I'd get up and do it again. I'd probably do that until I was unconcoious. Then I'd get on the computer, come to the Barrow-downs and tell every about my exciting new video game where 200,00 orcs show up at your front door. Glirdy __________________ *I'm going to buy you a kitty, I'm going to let you fall in love with the kitty, and one cold, winter night, I'm going to steal into your house and punch you in the face!* Fenris Wolf Last edited by Glirdan; 05-23-2005 at 12:19 PM.

03-10-2005, 12:55 PM	#3
alatar Doubting Dwimmerlaik Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Heaven's basement Posts: 2,466	Here's a plan: 1. Shut the door. That should slow them down a bit. 2. Use my keyfob to set off my car alarm. Not only would it cause a little wonder in the orcs, it would torque off my neighbors who, armed to the teeth (this is 'Merica!), would start shooting just to get the noise to stop. 3. Call the police. Most local police carry enough firepower to handle a few thousand or so orcs, but what would really get them going would be me telling them that the orcs were having some kind of religious rally without a permit. The ACLU lawyers sniffing the line would beat the cops to the scene, and, by all accounts, those lawyers can be pretty tough. 4. Call the local Teamsters. "Hey, I gotta some guys here who are working below union scale." One might pity the orcs. 5. The next calls would be to cable TV and satellite dish companies who, so hot on signing up a new customer, would be there in minutes. Some of the orcs would be caught in the ensuing crossfire. 6. Call a timeshare company and tell them that there are ~200,000 potential clients at my door if they would be so interested to stop by. Need I say more? 7. Use my video camera to capture the fun for sale later to the local news. Hey, what's wrong with turning a buck on the whole deal? After that, I'd sit back and load up ROTK EE on the DVD player to find the next thing to nitpick about in the movies forum ("...just why doesn't Merry's cape make him invisible on the Pelennor Fields?"

03-10-2005, 06:16 PM	#7
ElementFire Animated Skeleton Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: The Gama Quadrant Posts: 33	kick butt! what else? (apart from negociating lawyers...) I would probably use some nunchucks and karate!!! ~EF __________________ He who stands on toilet is high on pot. XP I don't do kung fu, I do kung lamb!!!

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