New Movie Script

[Oddwen]

Almost but not quite three months later, Oddwen re-enters the scene. Shocked and slightly chagrined by the empty hall she sees there, she let's out a "Halloooo! Halloooo? Echo! Echo!"


-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

(Scene: Gandalf and Pippin are striding with some purpose to an unnumbered circle of the White City.)

Pippin: *whine* Are we there yet?

Gandalf: Shut up. *whack* I have another task for you, Peregrin Took. Another chance for the Shirefolk to show their uses.

Pip: What, taking the Ring to Mordor isn't enough? Being a servant to that Demented Wierdo isn't enough? Singlehandedly...well, almost singlehandedly bringing down Isengard isn't enough? Even being fat isn't enough for you, you greedy grabber?

(They now stand at the foot of the beacon tower)

Gandy: *gestures upwards*

Pip: Now that was uncalled for!

*Gandy grabs Pippin and throws him nine feet up the tower*

Gandy*shaking his fist*: And don't come down until you've lit that beacon!

Pip: Denethor's not gonna like this!

Gandy: Get going, or you'll see Gandalf the White uncloaked!

Pip: Yipe! *scramble scramble*

(It took longer than this tale takes to tell, of course, but after hours of scrambling, climbing, scaling, near slips, and murderous thoughs of a wizard, Pippin reached the top of the tower. Before him was a pile of wood, a cauldron of oil above that, and a torch yet above that. Pulling something out of his pocket, he does what he set out to do...)

Gandy(from below): Fool of a Took! I said light the BEACON, not BACON!

(A light of recognition [however faint] dawns in Pip's eyes at last, and he sloshes the oil over the wood, and the fire on that and stands proudly. Until his foot-hair catches fire)

Pip: AIIEEEE! *leap*

(Two seconds later, after he plummets to his death, he appears back on top of the tower with a confused yet terrified look on his face, and then climbs hurriedly down)

Denethor(from a high cold tower, where he had been asking questions of the stars): Snarl!

Meanwhile...

Beacon guard 1(morosely): Got any 3's?

Beacon guard 2(equally so): Go fish.

(And as the two play on with their game of cards, suddenly a hairy form rushes out of the doorway behind them and crams treefrogs down their throats!)

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

And the next scene (if any care to do it) would be the continuation of the Beacon Lightings, Orcs arriving at Osgiliath, and Theoden setting out.