The Mount Zoom Challenge - GAME

[Caranlondien]

Of Rats and Stewed Rabbit

Frodo woke with a start. After the hobbits had celebrated their triumph over the troll with some Dorwinion wine, he had fallen asleep at the kitchen table. The sounds of boiling water had awoken him. Looking about, Frodo saw Sam, Merry, and Pippin clustered about the fireplace, making a stew out of rabbit meat and something else, something bright red and round.

"Can I have some meat?" Pippin asked.

"Okay," said Merry. "Want some tomatoes, Sam? Great tomatoes."

Frodo leapt up. "What are you doing!" he cried.

"Tomatoes, rabbit, nice crispy bacon."

"We saved some for you, Mister Frodo," added Sam.

"Put it out, you fools, put it out!" Frodo ran to the hearth and doused the flame with a pitcher of water.

"Oh, that's nice!" said Pippin. "Ash on my tomatoes!"

"Tomatoes? They're not even canon!" said Frodo angrily. "Where did you get them?"

"Some hobbit," said Pippin, wracking his brain for a name. "Jeter Packson, that may've been it!" he said.

"Doesn't sound like a hobbit-name," said Frodo disapprovingly.

Their conversation was interrupted by Chief Mechanic Ted Sandyman rushing into the room, blowing a horn as loudly as he could. When he saw Frodo, he stopped and bent over to catch his breath.

"Rats! Rats in the engine room!" he cried. "Disruptin' the fireworks, they are, and we won't be able to start back up 'til we've got rid of 'em."

The hobbits looked at one another. Finally, Pippin broke the silence.

"I hope they've not got in the food!"

[Glirdan]

THE EVIL DOOER?

Mouth hurried after his master. Even if he was wearing all this honking metal, he could still run at the speed of light when he was angry and he was extremely angry this time. As Mouth arrived in the Troll-Engine Room, he saw his master bereting all the Trolls around.

"WHICH ONE OF YOU LITTLE TWIRPS DID THIS!!" He yelled as he held up a rat.

"Umm, my lor-"

"NOT NOW MOUTH!" Sauron yelled. He turned back to the very confuse Trolls. "WHO DID IT!? TELL WHO!!!"

"My liege!!"

"WHAT DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND ABOUT NOT NOW MOUTH!?" Sauron yelled.

"Oh, I understand it quite fine my lord. It's just you have rats crawling up and down your back!" Mouth yelled in horror.

"WHAT!? RATS!?!? GET THEM OFF OF ME!! GET THEM OFF OF ME THIS INSTANT!!!" Sauron screamed. It was so loud and high it was almost as high as a dog whistle. He ran around the Troll-Engine Room screaming like a little girl. "EWWW! GET THEM OFF! GET THEM OFF! GET THEM OFFFFFF!!!!!"

"My liege!?" Mouth tried yelling at his master.

"WHAT!? CAN'T YOU SEE I'M BUSY TRYING TO GET THESE DISGUSTING RATS OFF!?!?"

"That's the thing my lord!! They're all gone!!" Mouth yelled and with that, Sauron stopped yelling. "They all fell of when you started running around the room..."

"WELL WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME EARLIER!?" Sauron yelled in frustration. Then he turned back to the Trolls, who were still standing there in confusion. "WHAT ARE YOU ALL STARING AT!? TELL ME WHO THE CULPRIT IS!!"

[Valier]

Eowyn's scary little secret

Eowyn: “Actually… there is one way….”

Theoden: "Ok well out with it my dear!"

Eowyn: *In a hushed voice* " Well you have to swear not to tell anyone.....especially Faramir"

Theoden: :uuummmm right...."

Eowyn: "I also have a small animal friend that I think may help us in this situation, but you have to promise not to tell! Swear you won't!

Everyone: "We swear!! (snickers) "

Eowyn: "His name is Tito, he's a....well just look for yourselves."

Eowyn: * Pulls a pouch out from in between her....aahhem...tata's,and detaches what appear to be dainty lady tongs. She loosens the string from around the top and uses the tongs to pull out......a long purple earthworm.*

Theoden: " Dear that is a worm! How in the world is that going to get rid of a pile of rats?"

Eowyn: "This is no ordinary worm! He is a Bellow-worm!"

Screech: "A what?"

Eowyn:*sighs* "A Bellow-worm you feeble minded ninny! You know, he like bellows and what not."

Screech: "Where did you find that and what is it supposed to do?"

Eowyn: "For your information, I was walking by a pond one day and nearly stepped on it. It let out a bellow so loud I felt sick for a whole week! But after that week, I went straight back there to have a talk with that worm! I said worm, why do you bellow? and he said you almost stepped on me! and I said....well you get the idea.After a long intense discussion with the worm, we came to a consensus. He would live in my pouch and I would feed him the best dang dirt around. And he was most helpful when suitors came calling, I would just give him a sign and he would clear the room.


Theoden: *Trying to supress laughing at her* "Alright Eowyn, my dear we will try it your way! I don't see any harm."

Screech: " But lord, you can't possibly think.....

Theoden: "SSShhhhhh! Alright sweetie you go for it."

Eowyn carried the worm away from her body with her dainty lady tongs and placed it on a high shelf.

Eowyn: "Alright everybody out! I don't think you want to be here for this!"

All the people and horses were evacuated to the outside of the great Medul-Zoom.

Eowyn: Alright, I have instructed Tito to start his stuff, when I shut this door. Ready?....O you better plug your ears just in case." * Slams the door shut*

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Meanwhile inside......

The rats began to mull around freely now they had noticed that the people had left.

Rats: Screeeeeeeech (Which means alright!)

The gross purple earthworm named Tito rippled himself to the edge of the shelf. He raised himself up so he was almost vertical. "Ahem, Ahem.....Ahem, ahem"

Rats:" Screech, screech!" ( translates to Hey, look up...way up)

The Bellow-worm Tito began to constrict and contract, constrict then contract. He gave one last heave and he began to fill his lungs with air.
(Wait....do worms even have lungs?.....Oh well back to the story) He swelled in size and opened wide. "BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!

Rats: " squeek!" ( Translates to Let's get the heck outta here! Leave the food behind! Save the woman and children! Run away! Run away! OOOOhhhhh geeze!!!! Why Oh why? How do we get out? aaaaaahhhhhhhhh! Hold your ears!)

The rats began to run around in circles, some were carrying smaller rats, some were clawing their ears.But none knew how to get away from the horrible noise.

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Meanwhile outside......

Theoden:* With ear pressed to Medul-zoom's exterior* " I don't hear anything"

Eowyn: "Oh just wait he's just getting warmed up!"

Screech: "Right ok....cause he can really make noise!" *****shhaaa*

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Back inside........

Tito began to move his..."head" up and down, he opened his mouth up even wider and let out a sonic boom of sound.

Tito: "BBBBBBBBBBBBBBRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAA!


The door of Medul-Zoom came blasting open, throwing everyone feet away from the door. A whole mess of rats came flooding out covering everyone besides Eowyn, who had taken cover. The rats began to disappate as they headed towards the eaves of Mirkwood.

Screech: "Wait! Wait! Tina....Billy...Wait for me!" *runs off into the sunset after his beloved rats, never to be seen again*

Eowyn rose gracefully from the ground and headed into Medul-zoom to fetch Tito. Everyone else stood around looking dazed.

Eowyn: "Alright I have thanked Tito and fed him some dirt. You can all go back inside all the rats are gone."

Eowyn: " I saved the day again! Well shall now travel North.....I have the perfect black dress for this occasion.......* Wanders off to change again..*

Eorlingas: " Oh just wait till we tell Faramir about Eowyn's little slimy friend!......"

[Maeggaladiel]

Evil is what we do best.

Sauron reclaimed what little dignity he had left and looked over the engine room. It was in turmoil. Rats scurried here and there, bits and pieces of machinery that looked half-destroyed were strewn across the floor. A pair of trolls huddled fearfully in one corner, and a third stood as a pillar of stone in another.

“WHAT IS GOING ON DOWN HERE?!” Sauron demanded. “YOU TROLLS ARE SUPPOSED TO BE RUNNING THE ENGINE!”

“We can’t!” one troll wailed. “Rats hurt us!” Mouth rolled his eyes.

“But they’re just rats, and you’re trolls,” he said slowly. “How could they hurt you?”

“Dey kill Steve!” cried the other troll. “Lookit!” He pointed a stubby finger at the third troll. It had been turned to stone.

“Steve brings in da rats cuz dey were cute. Dere were just two, but den we turn our back on dem for five minutes, and now dere’s two hundred and seventy eight! Where dey come from?!”

“Er…” Mouth said uncomfortably. “Well… I guess it’s time you knew…” But before Mouth had to say anything else, the troll went on without him.

“But den, da rats chomp on roof; eat hole in ceiling! Sun come in and kill Steve! Now we afraid to go over dere, cuz rats eat more ceiling and kill Bob and Fred!”

Mouth sighed.

“WAIT…” Sauron began, confused. “WE’RE INA MOUNTAIN. HOW DID THEY CHEW THROUGH--”

“So what happened next?” Mouth interrupted. The trolls exchanged glances.

“We panic,” Fred explained. “We throw things, try make rats go away.”

“WHAT DID YOU THROW?” Sauron asked.

“Muffler.”

“Carburetor.”

“Chunks of engine.”

“Some big gears.”

“Soda cooler.”

“Not really work.”

Mouth sighed haggardly.

“Perfect,” he said. “Just perfect. Now we’re stuck here.” All this time, Sauron had been eying the hungry little animals. So greedy… They reminded him of something…

“I HAVE JUST THE THING!” Sauron said. Telling the Mouth to stay put, the Dark Lord ran up the stairs to his room. Mouth could hear clanking, squealing, hissing, creaking, and the occasional muted cursing drifting down from the room above. Oh jeez. What was he up to now?

During this time, a large brown rat had discovered the leftover craft supplies from the brief counterfeiting scheme, and decided to eat Sauron’s crayons, one color at a time. It had just finished last green and was moving into the yellows by the time Sauron returned. The Dark Lord gripped a small box in his hands, and he seemed quite pleased with himself. (As pleased as an expressionless suit of armor could look, that is.)

“THEY ARE COMPLETE, MY MOUTH!” Sauron roared triumphantly. Mouth flicked a small gray rat off his shoulder.

“Dare I ask what is complete, my lord?” Mouth asked, fearing he’d get an answer whether he specifically asked or not. The Dark Lord held out the little box as though it were made of pure gold.

“BEHOLD,” Sauron said. “THE TWO-HUNDRED AND SEVENTY-EIGHT MINI RINGS OF POWER!!” He flicked open the lid of the box, and 278 miniature gold and silver rings glistened in the lamplight. The rats stared at the shinyness, completely entranced.

“I HAVE FORGED THEM IN THE FIRES OF MOUNT ZOOM,” Sauron explained. “I FIGURED, HEY, IF THE HUMANS WERE STUPID ENOUGH TO FALL FOR IT, THE RATS MIGHT TOO.” As though in a trance, the rodents all moved slowly towards the Dark Lord and his gleaming box.

“SMALL RODENTY THINGS!” Sauron yelled to the rats. “I, THE DARK LORD SAURON, WISH TO PRESENT YOU WITH A GIFT OF PEACE AND UNDERSTANDING AND ALL THAT NONSENSE!” He held the box aloft, and the rats’ eyes glinted greedily. “IN THESE MAGICAL RINGS ARE THE POWER TO RULE THE ENTIRE RATTY RACE! AND I GIVE THEM TO YOU IN A GESTURE OF GOODWILL AND… STUFF.” With that, the Dark Lord set the box down on the floor. He and Mouth distributed the rings amongst the small animals.

“Now what?” Mouth asked. Sauron leaned back in the driver’s seat, looking smug.

“WATCH.”

The rats sniffed at the bands of gold and silver, each ring intricately wrought with superb craftsmanship. Then, slowly, they lifted the rings above their heads. Florescent lights glinted off 278 specks of gold and silver. And then, the rats slid the rings over their fingers…

SKRREEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKK!!

“BEHOLD!” Sauron yelled gleefully. “MY NEWEST MINIONS, THE RAT WRAITHS!!”

Two hundred and seventy eight tiny cloaked figures now stood at attention in front of the dark lord. Two hundred and seventy eight pairs of beady black eyes remained transfixed on his great helmet, each awaiting their master’s call. One figure’s face was stained with melted crayon wax.

Sauron folded his arms over his chest smugly.

“WHAT DO YOU THINK? PRETTY WICKED, HUH?”

Mouth took a moment to consider this. They were kind of cute, in a strange sort of demented way, but they didn’t seem particularly useful. Their eyes didn’t glow with the fires of a thousand hells; their very presence didn’t inspire absolute terror in the hearts of the strongest men; they couldn’t even shriek properly. They’d be absolutely no help in keeping the door-to-door salesmen out of Mordor, at any rate.

“Well… they’re kind of… pathetic…” Mouth said, bending over to examine one. He poked it in the face, and it did not respond. “I mean, they don’t even have weapons of ultimate doom like the Nasgul do. And they don’t have any steeds. Are they supposed to scurry everywhere?”

“HMM,” Sauron mused. “YOU MAY HAVE A POINT. OKAY, WHEN WE GET HOME, I’LL ENSLAVE AND MUTATE A FLOCK OF PIGEONS FOR THEM TO RIDE. BUT FOR NOW, I HAVE A SPECIAL JOB FOR OUR NEW FAMILY MEMBERS TO DO.”

--

“COMMENCE OPERATION: PLAGUE-GROUND! FIRE CATAPULT!” Sauron bellowed, and the cardboard box filled with thirty-five Ratgul was flung high over Mount Zoom and sailed through the air, towards Minas Taxi. “HEE HEE. I AM SO EVIL.”

He looked down. A handful of Ratgul were polishing the hubcaps of Mount Zoom, a few were fixing the scratch on the rear bumper, one was painting tiny graffiti on a rock (“Sauron is mad cool, yo!”), and over a hundred were chained to the front of the Mountain, pulling it along like a chariot and giving it an extra burst of speed. The rest were either repairing the engine or baking cookies. Evil cookies. Sauron felt completely satisfied with the project.

“IT IS GOOD BEING ME, MOUTH.”

“I wouldn’t know, my lord.”