What do you assign to Mordor?

[Lalwendë]

I assign being woken at 6.30 am by your cats running through the house with all the grace of a herd of elephants, screeching with feline rage and then having a proper fight beside my side of the bed. This is even worse seeing as I was fresh out of a nightmare involving next door's rabbits breeding into infinity during a riot by Somali refugees, all to the soundtrack of Phil Collins' worst excuses for 'music'. I had to sit in a darkened living room for a full hour before I could speak.

No I had not been eating cheese.