New Movie Script

[Oddwen]

Only five months...that's even more of an improvement...sorta...


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Scene: Frodo and Gollum entering Cirith Ungol

Frodo: *pant pant* That was a LOT of stairs, Smeagol.

Gollum: Good things that we had that stair-master in our dark, deep pool under the mountains, gollum!

Frodo: *wheeze* Not sure leaving Sam behind was such a good idea now, he could have carried me that last mile...

Gollum: Oh no, you made the right choice, Master. Unless we coulds have pushed him off of this ledge here...but enough! Master must go inside the tunnel. You knows, precious, in order to come out the other side where you wishes to be.

Frodo: Now that I'm here, I'm not sure I want to go in.

Gollum: *facepalm* Really, Master? After those ten miles of stairs? You couldn't have changed your mind during that? This is the only way. There is no going back!

Frodo: I can't go back.

Gollum: Thanksss you, Master Obviouses. Gollum!

Frodo: Eugh! What's that smell?

Gollum: Well Master, you haven't been in any enclosed spaces in a while, and baths have been few and far between...nice baths! Hey, I haves an idea - RUN THIS WAY!

*Gollum scampers off, cackling and giggling. He ducks down a tiny side tunnel and peers back the way he came*

Gollum: *muttering* You'll see, precious, you'll see!

Frodo: See what?

Gollum: Ahh! Uh, Master, what...

Frodo: You're not trying to lose me, are you Smeagol? You didn't forget that I'm a Hobbit and used to live in Brandy Hall, a Hobbit hole which makes this place look like a ditch, did you?

Gollum: Uhh, err, no of course not, nice Master...let's...continue, then...

*Meanwhile, back down several long, long miles of stairs...*

Sam: *sniffling* Poor Mister Frodo, poor skinny Gamgee...whoops!

*Samwise slips, and plummets twenty miles to his death!! Oh no wait, he catches himself on a handy step. Go figure*

Sam: What's this? The elven bread! Yum! *scarfscarf*

*Sam eats the lembas bread, and flexes his muscles to show off his anchor tattoo. He leaps back up the stairs two at a time crying...*

"I'm Samwise the Gardener Hobbit!
I'm Samwise the Gardener Hobbit!
Not a warrior elf,
Or a filthy handed tark,
I'm Samwise the Gardener Hobbit!"

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That's all I'm good for right now - the next scene would be the fight with Shelob. See you in three months.