Ooh la la, Lúthien...

[Aiwendil]

It seem that Tolkien loved the idea of Edith more than the reality.

Indeed. For that matter, I would say that every feeling anyone has for anyone else is actually for their internal 'idea' of that person rather than for the external 'reality' (if such a thing can even be meaningfully talked about). All that varies is the extent to which that internal idea gives a reasonable approximation of the person's behaviour.

In other words, I think Tolkien's idealization of Edith/Luthien is nothing unusual - which, I suppose, makes the story of Beren and Luthien that much more universal in its appeal.

[Lalwendë]

Originally Posted by Aiwendil

Indeed. For that matter, I would say that every feeling anyone has for anyone else is actually for their internal 'idea' of that person rather than for the external 'reality' (if such a thing can even be meaningfully talked about). All that varies is the extent to which that internal idea gives a reasonable approximation of the person's behaviour.

In other words, I think Tolkien's idealization of Edith/Luthien is nothing unusual - which, I suppose, makes the story of Beren and Luthien that much more universal in its appeal.

All very Jungian...

If Tolkien was in love with an ideal of Edith, then it must have been strong as he managed to keep it up his whole life - he seemed as much in love with her at the end of their lives as at the beginning. Or maybe she managed to hide anything which would have made him think of her more negatively? That's something we wouldn't ever know...

However I definitely think he was an idealist and he had a dream of what the perfect relationship and family ought to be, having been denied family from a young age. So his idealism was wholly understandable. The evidence of it is right there is his own personal life and in the family lives he sketched out in his writing. The story of The Children of Hurin for example is as much a tragedy for the family life we see destroyed as for anything else lost.

[Lindale]

Originally Posted by Lalwendë

All very Jungian...

If Tolkien was in love with an ideal of Edith, then it must have been strong as he managed to keep it up his whole life - he seemed as much in love with her at the end of their lives as at the beginning. Or maybe she managed to hide anything which would have made him think of her more negatively? That's something we wouldn't ever know...

Couldn't we also blame his Catholicism for that? A girl who's lived and been raised in a family living in a very strict Catholic manner where the Catholic Church's influence still holds a sway even in politics, I think I know what I'm talking about. Divorce is a sin. And being a very strict Cath, your idea of your spouse, if you really did not like or know them very well in the beginning, would remain idealized, much like the idea of the Virgin Mother. Could it possibly be? In my young life I can say I've seen this kind of marriage.